So I have this problem. I don't know why I have it, but I do.

Many of my shirts have little holes right in the belly of them. This used to happen to my dorky sister when she was in band in high school...i believe it was the cymbals, and I believe she'd catch her shirt between them and bang holes in them. But I do not play the cymbals. And yet...I still have holes in my shirts.

Why do you think this is?

So I did my 30 day workout DVD again last night. I am on a roll! I hope I can keep it up. I have no problem making excuses for myself when it comes to diet and exercise. The GREAT NEWS about this is that I asked my boss about working part time, at least for a while, after the new year. If this happens, I will be able to go to the gym nearly every day. Let me tell you - you may never guess this, but I love love love going to the gym. But I am particular about it. If I am going to get dressed and drive to the gym, I don't want to do a 20 minute workout. No mammary!*

Actually, my getting dressed for the gym is a workout in and of itself. First, two pairs of spandex shorts are required. They cannot be too short (chub rub) and they cannot be too long (inferno!) but there must be two, one to wear and one to suck me in. It is WAY uncomfortable to jiggle when you jog or tackle the elliptical for an hour (and I am goo-oo-ood at the elliptical). Which brings me to my next point...my sports bra. This thing cost $9,000 and was worth every penny. The brand is Enell and I adore it. However, the stretching and pulling I have to do to get it on sometimes leaves me breathless and I am sure burns a few calories. Last, my shoes. Well not just the shoes but TYING the shoes. Again with the stretching and the breathing exercises necessary to get down there for the 10 seconds it takes to tie the bows. Before I even walk out the door I'm already sweating. Nice! For real though...I like to go to the gym...Elliptical for an hour, weights for a half hour, stretch and then sit in the sauna up to a half hour. If I can't get all these things in, I HATE to go. Now that I think about it, I'm that way about a lot of things. If I have to halfway do it, I just do not do it. Hmmmm, probably why my closet stays such a mess. If I cannot clean it out perfectly, I just can't do it.

Hi, I'm Shannon, and I ramble on and on and on about stuff nobody cares about. My point is...hopefully I can work part time and spend some good quality time at the gym without feeling HORRIBLE about leaving my son in the gym daycare for 2 hours...he hates it.

Okay. So. Since I am obviously the most boring person in the world, I'll try to entertain with some pictures. Me hopey you likey.

*See past posts if this doesn't make sense to you.

This is dedicated to the one I love...Jennifer.

Wow, I didn’t realize how much you all missed me and needed new entries in my blog to read! I can’t believe the sheer volume of emails I received wanting to know when I would be updating. I am humbled and feel thankful that I have so many followers.

What? Fine. Whatever – so it was only one little bitty person. And so what if “sheer volume” is equivalent to “one email?” So?? Do you want to know who that one person was? It was one of my BFFs, Jennifer! Yay Jennifer!

Who brings me to my first topic…Deltaberry Day! For those who do not know what DBDay is, it’s a tradition that started either nine or ten years ago (we never can remember) at No Frills Grill. Jennifer, Adrienne, Kristen and I make up the Deltaberries and we use the day to celebrate our nearly lifelong friendships. Adrienne was my first friend in this town, and we’ve been friends for what will be 20 years this coming summer. Wow! And I’ve known the other two almost that long.

You know, I could use this opportunity to write about my first meeting with my first friend. I can’t imagine that many people who read this don’t know it – but here goes. Picture this: Shannon at age 12, brand new to the tiny town. She doesn’t know anyone and it’s in the middle of summer. What’s a girl to do? Well, this particular girl decides to go for a walk and get to know her neighborhood streets.

As I walked along, I noticed a tree branch near the curb of one street. Not just any insignificant twig, but a real live branch, with twigs of its very own coming out of the ends. The best I can compare it to would be a set of antlers. Antlers? YEAH! ANTLERS! Now, before you judge my next move, I really want you to try to put yourself in the shoes of a lonely tween girl who has zero (ZERO!) friends.

I figured the only thing to do with the branch I’d just found was to stick it in my ponytail and pretend to be a deer. I walked a quarter to a half mile with my shiny new antlers, and thinking back, I can only imagine how my new neighbors must have reacted if they’d happened to looked out their windows at that moment.

Anyway, there I was, a-walkin’ along, when I looked up and saw a girl about my age, also solo. She looked at me. I looked at her. “What are you DOING?” she asked me. “Ummmm, pretending to be a reindeer,” I answered her, silently praying and hoping that she would think I was cool and quirky, instead of bizarre and odd. “Cool,” she said, “want to go to the playground?” HELL YEAH I DID!!

And the rest is history.

But back to Deltaberry Day. We always meet before Christmas (usually on the 22nd) to hang out, have snacks and exchange gifts. We once tried adding other girls in but it just did not work. There were too many. So we cut it back down to just the four of us. This year we met at Adrienne’s and ended up at No Frills (of course!) and we had a great time. I gave Deltaberry nightshirts and I received from Adrienne, Jennifer and Kristen, respectively: a runner’s fannypack with two water bottles, complete with a badass skull and crossbones appliqué; a fabulous black photo frame; and super cute knee high socks and some lip gloss. Magnificent!

So the Jenny Craig is going quite well. I’m down 14 now and Scott is down 13 (BOOYAH). Well, JC was going quite well. I didn’t mean “is” at all. This week was haaaaarrrrrrrrrd. I don’t know what the deal was, I guess a combination of it being Christmas and us having been on the program for a month now just really did it for me. I’m afraid I may gain this week. Oh well. As long as I have a net loss over the holidays, I figure I am coming ahead anyway. And, I am back on the wagon completely as of today. I also started my Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. This DVD is kicking. My. Ass. I love it! Although, I am not sure who I think I am…with these sore abs. Sore abs? LOL. Like I’m some hot workout girl. One day….

So, you know how I’ve been talking about how much my daughter is growing up and so on and so forth. Well, it’s true – but she still has a little bit of little girl left in her. James loves to have his face “painted” with my makeup. Whether it’s a doggy face, a kitty face, or an avatar arrow, he’s always asking me to do this for him. This past weekend he asked for a kitty face and as I was coloring in his tiny black nose and whiskers, Clara shyly asked if it would be okay for her to get a kitty face too. AWWWW! Of course, BellyButton. So I painted both kids up as kitties and we went outside and blew bubbles for an hour.

My son is as graceful and as humble as I am. I’ve been known to take a spill or two, go ass-over-teakettle my fair share of times, run into sharp (or dull) objects that appear out of NOWHERE, and find ways to blame it on other people or just simply environmental causes that are out of my control. Yesterday James ran full speed into a wall in our house while he was looking the other way. Without skipping half a beat, he whirled around and shouted at whoever was listening, “SEE!? *THAT* IS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE PUT A WALL THERE!”

Think of me until next time…

31

I just had to use my 10-key calculator to figure out my age.

1. I didn't know how old I am.
2. I can't (won't?) do simple math in my head.
3. Thank God I know the year I was born and the year it is now (I think).

Down I go!

Man, it is cold. I know, I know. It's winter. Winter's cold. That doesn't mean that sometimes it doesn't knock me on my butt anyway.

Since we started Jenny Craig, I have been eating homemade soup like CRAZY. The batch I made last night had chicken broth, squash, zucchini, onions, okra, carrots, cabbage, green beans, celery, red bell pepper, yellow bell pepper and green bell pepper. I think that's it. Anyway, all of those veggies are "free" so basically I can eat as much of them as I want. It's nice because I was shot all the way down to 1200 cals a day and I'd been used to around 95,000 cals a day. So this soup is a great filler. Well, I ate the last of my soup at lunch yesterday so James and I had to make a trip to the grocery store in this stupid cold weather. We stocked up on all the veggies, and of course some other things that the kids like to have. When we got home, Scott was already there! He'd stopped and gotten some firewood and had the fire going and he was outside messing with some Christmas decorations. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when Scott comes home early. It's just so rare for him to be there on a weekday evening - we never see each other all day, really, until about 9pm. It's kind of hard, so last night was a great surprise!

Speaking of Jenny Craig, tomorrow is our 3rd weigh in. So far, I'm down 11 and Scott is down 10. Wahoo!

Did I already tell you all of this stuff? It's hard to remember things when you're a frazzled old lady. Yes, I mean me.

INSANITY!

Every year, the bank in the building where I work has a Christmas party. They have great food and free drinks, but the best part is the Santa! I’ve been coming to this party since I was 12 to get my picture with Santa, and now my kids do it almost every year.

Last year, James’s picture was the hilarious kind, where the kid is petrified…in his picture, James is screaming and reaching for me – it cracks me up every time I look at it. This year I knew would be different. He’s more excited about Santa and totally into the idea. As we were getting ready for the party, I informed him that we should probably dress up for our Santa pictures. Well, no problem for James. He disappeared into his room for a few minutes and came out – head to toe Ninja Turtle! Complete with mask and shell. I convinced him to leave the mask because otherwise we couldn’t see his face in the photo, but he wore everything else in his picture. I love it!

Clara always gets her picture taken with Santa, and I guess the photographer thought she was older than eleven years, because when I told her Clara wanted to sit with Santa, the woman LAUGHED AT HER. Clara and I just stared at her…and I went up to her and said, “is there a problem with her taking a picture with Santa?” and she said “no, not at all, I just thought it was funny – I used to do that.”

Um, do WHAT? I don’t get it. Does she think my baby’s too old for that? Well guess what…now, so does Clara! She was totally going to take her picture with Santa but that, ahem, WITCH, convinced her that she is too old and embarrassed her. Thankfully, she agreed to get in a picture with James and Andrew – but man. Well, whatever.

*****************************

James has a very, very long list of what he wants to be when he grows up, and he is sure that he will be all of these things. This list includes, but is not limited to, the following: doctor, fireman, race car driver, pizza man, Sonic Drive-in cook, and so on and so forth. In the car this past weekend, he wanted to make it clear that he wanted to be a PEOPLE doctor, not an ANIMAL doctor. I asked him, “do you know what an animal doctor is called?” To my amusement, he said, “Yeah, sure! A vegetarian!”

******************************

Last night I went to the hall bathroom to blow my nose. Surprise! No tissue in there. So I trekked to my bathroom and was stopped by my husband who was guarding the bathroom door with his life! “NO!” he shouted. “YOU CAN’T COME IN HERE! NOBODY CAN COME IN HERE!”

Ummmm okay. “Scott, I gotta blow my nose. There’s no tissue in the other bathroom. Can you at least hand me a roll of toilet paper?”

*catches TP Scott throws in my direction* “Thanks, weirdo. Have fun in the bathroom.” *shakes head*

About 10 minutes later I was in the living room, watching “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant” and eating my Jenny Craig cheesecake, when Scott came in, and took my plate and fork out of my hand. “What are you DOING? This is precious cheesecake! You can’t have it! This is MY cheesecake! Where is yours? Eat yours, eat yours!”

Scott just looked at me like I was three years old and he said, “I’m not going to eat y’damn cheesecake, I just want to carry it for you.”

Against my better judgment, I let go of my prized dessert and allowed him to hold it. He took my hand and led me all the way back to my bathroom, where he had run a bath (perfect temp, by the way), lit at LEAST 2 dozen candles all around the tub, and set up my little bathtub reading table with my book and a new reading light.

What? Why? I don’t….well…is it….I mean…what are you…how come…should I…why did you do this???

He explained he just wanted to be nice and reminded me of a list that my dad gave him when we first got engaged. It was a list of things that would make me happy. One of the things Dad put on the list was “make sure she gets some alone time.” And, that’s what he was doing.

Can you believe it? How can the person who drives me to the brink of insanity like nobody else…be the very same exact person who I love past the brink of insanity? Sigh.

What are "things that are precious, Alex??"

1. Snoozing until 11am on Sunday morning with my husband and son in the bed with me (the girl was at her dad’s this past weekend).

2. James’s first Christmas program at school. He was told to wear “Christmas clothing” which I took to mean something red/green or with jingle bells on it or what have you. Scott took it to mean nice dress up clothes. So last night I made James a t-shirt with a Christmas tree (an iron on printed from my computer) and he is wearing that over nice(ish) pants and a button down shirt. There. We are both covered! The program went off without a hitch, and believe it or not, although all the children were adorable, James was the best! And - half the kids were dressed nicely, and half had on Christmassy t-shirts.

3. The necklace my daughter gave me...every single moment that I have with Clara in which she makes the first move to show that she loves me, or at the very least, to show that she doesn’t think I am the most embarrassing, biggest idiot on the planet. We were cleaning out her room together and she found a couple of charms, you know the kind…one reads “I love” and the other reads “you” and when you put them together, they form a heart. Well, she had the charms but not the necklaces so she asked if we could go get some chains or something for them, so that she could keep one and she could give one to me. So…that’s what I have on today. My sparkly earrings, my work clothes, and my “you” necklace. So precious.

4. The tiny morsel of Canadian bacon that just fell out of my Jenny Craig breakfast and onto the floor. I can’t ever get it back.

Filet o'finger

Did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? Mine was AWESOME. I took Wednesday off, so I had five days in a row off of work! And Scott was off all those days, too. He was supposed to go hunting that weekend, but it didn’t work out and he stayed home. We had such a good weekend :) Each year, we start a change jar. This year our change jar was an old (big) vinegar jug. We filled it nearly to the top with change and dollar bills, and when we finally cashed it in, we had about $320.00! That is a good chunk to go toward Christmas gifts. That’s what we always use the money for. It really is a good feeling to know that we’re going to have a nice amount to spend for Christmas, and it might as well be free money. $99 of that amount was dollar bills, mostly ones that we threw in here and there, but there were a few fives and one twenty…but it is all money that we don’t even miss. Yay!

I can’t help it if I like things neater nowadays. When I met my husband, I was an utter pig. Dirty laundry in the living room, dishes in the sink for weeks, every inch of counter space in the bathroom taken over by makeup and q-tips and dirty washcloths. Now, I like it NEAT. That does not mean it always is, but I like it that way. Scott’s the reverse. When I met him, he was neat. He gave in to my slovenly ways and now I’m paying for it. I cut my finger pretty good (pretty bad?) this weekend while making soup, as in, I kind of filet (WHAT is the past tense of that word??? That’s what I need right here) the top of my left index finger, so that there was a flap of skin dingle-danglin’ off of it. And it hurt like a MUTHA. So I wrapped my finger in a towel and went to Scott, nearly in tears. I told him what happened and he asked if I thought I needed stitches. I told him I didn’t think I did, but that I hadn’t really looked at it really good, because it hurt too much. As I was trying to gain composure so I could look at the wound, I said to Scott in a raspy, strained voice, “did…you know….that you….didn’t…throw away your cheese wrapper? You…left it…on the counter.” Scott just burst out laughing, and I was all, “What??? You did!” And he pointed out the fact that we were trying to decide if I needed to go to the E.R. and I was STILL bitching about him not throwing away his trash.

Speaking of clean…it’s one of my two favorite days of the month! Cleaning Lady Day! Boo Bee Bee Bah Bo Bee Boo!!!!!! I can’t wait to go home and inhale the scent of fake pine and lemon!

Also, fine, okay, I’ll tell you. I am on day 4 of Jenny Craig. So far, so good. Thank GOD Scott is doing it with me. I’d probably have fallen apart by now if he wasn’t. Not that he doesn’t need to lose weight too…but guess what. I have 150% the weight to lose that he does. That’s right, folks, 150%! Oh well, you just watch out. You’ve all seen ME hot. Five years ago (grooooooaaaaaaaaan) I was a hot-hot-hottie. But you’ve not seen my husband and me hot TOGETHER. We are going to blow ya mind. I’m not sure if you’ll still be friends with us, that is how hot we are going to be. Just keep in mind…hot people need love too. Just ask my sister.

Ketchup

As in, ketchin up.

As in, I noticed a few posts ago that I gave my three readers a teaser and I never followed up, so I need to ketchup. See?

Whatevs.

For starters, I have some Jujisms. No, this is not some fancy kind of martial arts that Scott is teaching. Jujisms are quotes by the incomparable James “Juji” Squarepants. Oh, you didn’t know that he thought his last name was Squarepants? Well, he did.

James is NEVER EVER EVER James. We went to WalMart and to Mom’s and Dad’s for dinner Sunday, and James wore old pantyhose and a superman tank top, and over all that, he wore his Tigger costume and Spiderman house shoes. Yesterday we went to Target and he was Spiderman, head to toe, including mask. No, I take that back. He had on baseball shoes. But he’s just never James. He has about 20 costumes and he mixes and matches and wears them all the time. And I don’t argue…there are so many other things to argue about. He even went to school the other day with makeup on. *I* did not know this, and I would have drawn the line there, but Scott “forgot to wash his face,” better known as “I’m a dude and I didn’t even notice his face was dirty.” It wasn’t like he looked like a drag queen – he just had one eye outlined in blush, sort of like a red eye instead of a black eye. Get it? Anyway, he was being the fire bender, of course, and fire benders have one red eye. Not only does James dress up as known characters, he also makes them up. Why, just last week, he announced, “I AM DARK DORK!”

Yes, indeedy!

Following is an amusing conversation I had with James the other day:

James (very sternly): MOMMY. DID WE TALK ABOUT FIRED YET?

Me: Ummmm what about fired?

James: LISTEN IF YOU DON'T GET ME SOME CHICKEN NUGGETS AND CHIPS...YOU'RE FIRED!

Well, la de da. I dare you to fire me, we’ll see what happens then. Who will put your fire-bending makeup on then, huh?

It still amazes me James’s capacity for vocabulary and speech. He can say anything. He speaks like an adult, only with a tiny little voice. He brought me a picture of some kind of a dinosaur, I don’t even remember the name. Santosaliciousmegalosaurus or something like that. I said it once, and he had it down. That was all it took! He says everything so perfectly which is why I REFUSE to correct him or to let anyone else correct him when he talks about being a “mattatician” when he grows up. What’s a mattatician? Well, it’s one of those guys…he has a hat…he pulls rabbits out of it…and he has a wand. You know, a mattatician. SO CUTE, so if you hear him say it, you best not correct him, or you will have me to deal with, and YOU will be saying words all wrong, ‘cause your teeth will be knocked out and you will have a fat lip.

Scott’s trying really hard to teach James manners. He’s working a lot with “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir” and the like. James likes to mix it up a little and say “yes, sirree!” instead of the boring ol’ “sir.” Which is fine and dandy, but I asked him to do something, and he says to me, “Yes, MAMMARY!” That one got an actual guffaw out of me. Hahahahha, I’m laughing just thinking about it.

The Jooj is getting a bit of a smart mouth. The other night I was on the computer while he was in his bed trying to go to sleep. He was jackin’ around and I finally said, “James! That is ENOUGH!” To which he replied (in a super sarcastic tone I didn’t perfect till after puberty), “OKAAAAAAY, MUH-THUR.” Mother? HAHAHA!

But he ain’t all bad. He and Scott were having a heart to heart about life and Scott asked him, “would you ever hurt anyone?” James answered that he would, and I assumed Scott would tell me that James said that he’d hurt someone if they hurt his sister…or if he had to get away from a bad person…or something. But when Scott asked him when he would ever hurt someone, James said “well, I would only hurt someone so I could practice kissing it and making it better.” Makes sense to me, how about you?

And finally, Scott emailed me this gem: "Dont forget to share because sharing is the nicest thing." Sounds like something straight out of Winnie the Pooh, doesn’t it?

So, did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? We sure did! We had a great time over at Grandma and Granddaddy D’s

Is he cheating on me? Is it possible?

Scott? Cheating on me???

Scott and I went to Subway a few days ago (by the by, James loves Subway but he doesn’t call it Subway. To him, the restaurant is called Eat Fresh) and I was in front of him in line. The Sandwich Lady grunted at me about which kind of cheese and veggies I wanted (none and lettuce/tomato/onion/banana peppers/may I please have some more banana peppers/more, like twice that much), like seriously grunted, I wasn’t even sure at first she was addressing me.

Then it was SCOTTY’S turn and she was sunshine and rainbows as she greeted him with a smile and a friendly hello (chirped, not grunted) and knew *exactly* which cheese and veggies he wanted on his sandwich. Then she says “so…where’s your other half?”

***record screeching*** WHAT?????

He looks at me kind of weird and then he goes…”he’s at school, but here is my other other half” and points to me.

***resume pleasant chillax music*** OHHHHH she meant James.

But guess who was sweet as honey to yours truly after finding out that I belong to Dear Scotty? Grunty Sandwich Lady, that’s who!

Do you know what Scott got me? He got me a cleaning lady for every other week! OMG this is like a dream come true. I honestly cannot express what this means to me. I am constantly stressing about the state of my house. I pick it up every single day. Lots and lots of picking up, I mean LOTS. I do at least one load of laundry every day. I know that tons of people pick up and clean their houses all the time but I was so overwhelmed at the amount to do. So anyway, picking up – it gets old but I can deal with it. It was the actual cleaning that did me in. I’d try to make lists and assessments but as soon as I realized how filthy everything was I’d kind of give up and curl up in a ball and zone out and NOTHING ever got CLEAN.

Now – my house is sparkling. Just sparkling! And, I’ve kept up with it every day. I still do the picking up and laundry – but it is so much easier to KEEP something clean. And, I also know that in 2 weeks, she will be back and if I get behind, it will BE OKAY! She’s coming back!

And this lady was at my house from 930 in the morning until 330, with her helper. Then she stayed about 2 hours after her helper left, still going! I cannot believe the things she thought to clean that I never would have. Anyway, after all that, she only charged 125 for that really deep cleaning. I couldn’t believe it. Anyway, this is the best gift Scott could give me. Really. I feel so much less stressed out. Isn’t that ridiculous? I can’t help it.

I am back into crocheting! I really like doing it, and I wish I was better at it. I guess the only way to be better is to keep doing it. I just finished a camo Christmas stocking for Scott and I’m working on Looney’s. After that, Andrew will be the only one who needs a crochet stocking to fit in! See, my dad’s dad, Granddaddy, crocheted everyone in the family a stocking. Even my two kids each have one, even though they were born after Granddaddy died. When I was born, Granddaddy gave me a quick stocking and then took his time making one with my name crocheted into it, so I ended up with two. I gave one of mine to Clara. And my brother James had a beautiful stocking that my mother let me have to give to my James. It’s definitely the most special one in the entire family. My James is so lucky. Anyway, I wanted everyone to have one, so I’m doing it. The ones I am making are plain, and have no names on them. I am just not there yet. It’s still nice of me, right?

What can make me feel this way?

My girl.

I'm so proud of her. At the beginning of the school year, you may remember, she shocked us both with her reading level test, which showed her to be in the bottom 20 percent or something like that.

Her language arts teacher sends home a TAKS practice every Tuesday. Man, I hate those things. I check them every week and to do so *I* have to read the whole dang thing too. Anyway, at the beginning of the year, she missed almost every question, every time. She has improved little by little each week, and she got every single question right this week. She's so proud of herself, almost as proud as I am of her.

Also, she just took a reading benchmark, and she scored a 91.

Now, THERE'S my girl.

I have a little assignment for my 3 blog readers. First, take a gander at this copy & paste of my Instant Message log with my sister, Stacie. (pardon the errors, we tend to not give a crap when we’re on IM)

me: do you have a piece of fruit or smoething

stacie: a piece of fruit?

me: i'm so hungs i feel barfy. no biggie.

stacie: hmmmmm, i have some apples. you want a apple? or some goldfish or crackers or something

me: mm-hmm i do want a apple. that'll work. just a lil somthin somthin

stacie: i dont know what kind they are. ok ill bring it

me: as long as they aint granny smifs.

stacie: see ya in a little bit. nope they red

me: grainy smilfs. bye! say it.

stacie: and nuun will hopefully wear hims thomas outfit

me: grainy smilfs you MAKE him you are the mom.

stacie: grainy smilfs alpull. k done. LOVE YOU BUY. hahah i didnt really mean to say buy

me: buy


So……..then Stacie showed up at my work a half hour or so later. She brought me an apple and a little baggie of goldfish, all inside a brown paper lunchsack, stapled closed, and my name written on the outside, complete with dots at the intersections of each letter. Can you believe this? How sweet is she? I don’t remember the last time someone wrote my name on a lunchsack with the dots!!!! Here’s a picture that proves that angels DO exist!

BWOOP! BWOOP! WARNING! WARNING!

***WARNING – THIS POST CONTAINS THE WORD “PENIS” AND “SCROTUM”***

I tell you – James is wise beyond his years. We were hanging out last night, and James was naked. He likes it that way. He goes, “Look, Mom!”

I look over and he’s pulling his penis straight up so that he can see his scrotum. “Uhhhhhh yeah, that’s something, James. Let’s get some underwear, mmmkay?”

“But…LOOK! If you lift up your penis, you can see the brain! Some penises have BRAINS!”

Sho ‘nuff – when you pull up your penis, your scrotum sort of looks like a brain – at least like a cartoon brain – the only kind that James has ever seen. But…a very, very wise statement from a three-year-old. Some penises have BRAINS. Some boys – that’s the only brain they have.

So – yannow how our dryer went out, and we bought a new one, and life is great. Well, last night our freakin’ microwave went out. If it isn’t one thing…Sigh. Being a grownup is not near as fun as I thought it was going to be. I thought being a grownup would mean…staying up as late as I want, eating all the candy I want, throwing parties, going to parties, crashing parties, I thought that being married would be like a 24/7 first date, that every night with my husband would be a slumber party, that having kids would be a blast – after all kids are nothing but fun fun fun!!!

OMG. NOBODY TOLD ME. WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL ME?

Last night James came in to wake us because he had wet the bed. I have been so tired lately - like I cannot figure out what is wrong with me. I guess I was just delirious when James woke me up, because I was trying to remember why I was in bed with Scott's brother. Yes, that's right, I thought that Scott's brother was spending the night at our house and for whatever reason, he had to sleep in the bed with me. I even almost stopped him from taking care of James, because of course, that isn't the uncle's job to clean up night pee...anyway, after a few moments of just not being able to remember why on earth Scott's brother was in my bed, THEN I remembered. Scott ain't got no brother. It's official, I am LOSING IT.



Yay for Halloween! And, yay for Adrienne's birthday! And, yay for Adrienne's and Kristen's Halloween party! I am super excited about my costume. I am a Goth Girl, whatever that means. I am just using Halloween as an excuse to dress how I would LOVE to dress all the time if social conventions and my real estate attorney boss did not prevent me from doing so. Just you wait, Enry Iggins, just you wait. I'm going to look awesome!



James came in with Scott a while ago to my work in full Spidey suit. Spidey went to say hello to Lola, who cried, "Wow! Spiderman has come to see me!" James, being the thoughtful little dude that he is, felt compelled to come clean. He took off his mask and made sure that Lola realized he was "just James." He is out for candy, not to dupe anyone.

Last night I visited Clara at camp. Before she left for camp, I asked her if she was interested in having me come up on parents' night. Normally I wouldn't have even asked, I'd have just shown up, but the New Clara is sometimes hard to figure out. Anyway she did not seem excited at the prospect of her stupid old mother coming to camp and embarrassing her in front of all her camper friends. But I went anyway. And boy, am I glad I did! When I got there, she shouted, "MOMMY!" and gave me a great big hug in front of everyone. She excitedly introduced me to all her little friends, including one she called "Midget." Midget had lovingly dubbed Clara "Giant." If you didn't guess, Midget is at least a foot shorter than Giant and apparently they are BFFs and inseparable and both big-time tomboys. Clara and her friends showed me some EXTRAORDINARILY DORKIFIED dance routines they made up, one worth mentioning was the Alfalfa one...Midget and Giant stand face to face, make caricature-type buck-toothed faces, and commence shouting "alfalfa! alfalfa! alfalfa!" in a totally hickified country accent, while looking in the opposite direction of one another. I am sooooo not kidding. What does that mean, you ask...well apparently alfalfa is the sounds an armadillo makes and that is the dance it does. WHATEVER. Anyway, she appeared to be super glad I came...she hugged me several times, kissed me, and called me Mommy.

See? That right there...that's the good stuff.

Inigo Montoya

“I do not think that word means what you think it means.” –Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

What a great quote, what a great movie. One of my all-time absolute favorites. Always will be. I love to quote that movie and it’s especially fun when movie quotes can be used in real life.

For example, James and I were at Courtney’s yesterday. There was another mom, Michelle there, and five boys total, aged three to five. All the boys were outside playing and the moms were inside having beer and french fries we stole from the kids’ Happy Meals lemonade and cucumber sandwiches, when James came to the door.

VERY seriously he says, “Ummmmm….Mommy. I….have a….confession to make.”

*ALL the moms in the room die laughing and have a hard time keeping it inside*

“What’s your confession, James?”

“Um. Could you please tie this shoe?”

“I do not think that word means what you think it means.” –Mommy, Courtney’s house 2008

more mush

I know, I know. I am a TERRIBLE blogger. Let me try to make it up to ya.

First, my dear angel girl is eleven years old! Eleven! I can’t believe it was eleven years ago that I was handed my first baby. I distinctly remember lying in my bed with her when she was just a few days old and listening to a cassette tape (I KNOW, RIGHT??!) that my Aunt Karen gave me at my baby shower. The words to one song just really got to me. “Nappy time’s a happy time for children and for mothers…All snuggled up and cuddled up, tucked between the covers…The sun has gone to sleep and so blah blah blah blah blah….Nappy time’s a happy way to end a happy day!”

Er, um, something like that. Annnnyway. I laid in bed next to my new baby and bawled my eyes out. I don’t know if I had a touch of postpartum depression or what. But I could not stop crying – because although I was kind of a baby myself (twenty years old) and a very foolish girl, I was wise enough to realize that this babyhood was not going to last long, and before I could even react, she’d be too old for me to hold and hold and hold…with no words, no entertainment, just each other. And…the time has definitely come. I’ll never just cuddle her for hours again.

At eleven, Clara is both independent and needy. She likes to hole up in a room and watch TV by herself. She likes to play on the computer alone. She likes to stay home for a few minutes by herself sometimes. But…she still loves to be taken care of. She likes to have her apples peeled. She likes to have breakfast made for her. She likes to sleep on a pallet on the weekends. She has matured and grown so much that sometimes I forget. She IS still a little girl. It’s hard to be her age. It’s hard to feel like you want your mom to leave you the hell alone, and at the very same exact time, you still want all the attention in the world from your mom.

I’m trying so hard to be a good mom to my daughter. It’s amazing how difficult that is…I mean, when your kids are little, being a good mom means making sure they don’t hit or bite others. That they share their toys. That they get a good night’s sleep and eat halfway decent meals and snacks. Being a mom to an older child is HARDER. Yeah – they don’t need you to tie their shoes and cut their chicken and hold them and watch them every second. So there’s a little more freedom there. But…then…on the other hand, they don’t need you to tie their shoes and cut their chicken and hold them and watch them every second. So there’s lots of room for them to mess up and get hurt. And that is TOUGH to deal with. Not only that, but you have to make yourself available. You have to let them know they can come to you with ANYTHING. But you still have to maintain the parent-child relationship, rather than being their friend. You have to deal with the tough issues. You have to swallow your fears and embarrassment and talk to them about sex and drugs and all the stuff that makes you wish you could crawl into a hole. And you have to HIDE the fact that you are mortified, because if your child sees that you are mortified, she might not come to you when she needs to talk about whatever embarrassing subject that’s come up in her life.

When Clara was born, I wrote my mother a letter and apologized for being so horrible to her. I know my mom messed up sometimes – she’s a person. I didn’t realize that though. She was ONLY my mother – a being with no feelings and a cold heart who HATED me and didn’t let me do ANYTHING. The second my daughter came into the world I realized how wrong I was. I realized how much my mother probably beat herself up over things she felt she messed up about, and how she did the absolute most and best she could, which was actually a heck of a lot better than I gave her credit for. I realized that she had my well-being in mind in the decisions she made for me. And I immediately regretted every single bad time we ever had (which was a LOT, about age 14 till 19, we were miserable with each other). And I am above thankful that my mom and I love and appreciate each other now. She is truly one of my best friends.

Yeah, I know now – it isn’t easy at all. I know it’s not going to get any easier. I know that rather than preparing for all of this and talking about all of this, it’s actually going to HAPPEN. Soon. Wish me luck. Wish my poor daughter luck.

By the way, this was NOT SUPPOSED to be all sad and mushy – I had a list of things to write about. See, when I think of something I want to include in my blog but I don’t have time to blog right that minute, I email myself little notes. Here are the notes that I started using to write this post:


mattatician

clara's pictures

yes, mammary!

Drill team reunion

So, see? I went waaaaaay off track. And this is so long now – let that list be a little teaser that I’ll cover soon.

Things I Didn't Know

I am in the process of taping off all the trim in my entire house to repaint it bright white. Last night after James went to bed, the steady sound of masking tape being pulled off the roll and ripped continued on with no background noise to cancel it out. From James's bedroom, I hear "ALL THAT RACKET IS *NOT* HELPING ME SLEEP!" (yes, that is exactly what he said)

Sorry, Son. I didn't know you were such a light sleeper. I also didn't know you were 85 years old. I apologize for all the racket.

I didn't know that my dryer was going to go out this weekend. I didn't know I would be stuck and not be able to do laundry. If there is one thing I HATE, it's getting behind on my laundry. I've become pretty good at keeping up with it, I try to do one load per day. But now I am about 3 days behind and the laundry's piling up.

I didn't know that when Aunt Cindee whisked Clara away for a special birthday treat, Clara would come back having had breakfast, lunch, a manicure, a brand new Ipod Nano, Guitar Hero for her Nintendo DS, a new shirt, and several OTHER new outfits. I did know that my daughter is spoiled. That part is so not a surprise to me.

Bough

My husband doesn't cough. He boughs. Like, boff, only bough because it's cough with a b.

What do I mean? I mean, he doesn't cough like most people. His coughs start with a b. I can't type it, of course, and convey the sound accurately, but do this: cough outloud and then do it again with a B in the front.

Now do you get it? Isn't it funny?

Scotch and Rotch, nee Rum

Once upon a time, there was a little boy who turned into a Ninja Turtle. The Ninja Turtle decided that his mommy should turn into a Ninja Turtle Mommy. The Ninja Turtle asked his Ninja Turtle Mommy what she thought his name should be, and she told him she wasn't sure. "I know!" exclaimed the Ninja Turtle, "I'll be named Scotch!"

(pause for a thumbs up and cheesy grin thrown in my daddy-o's direction)

The Ninja Turtle Mommy LOLd and suggested that in that case, her name should be Rum. Scotch agreed. Scotch and Rum put their heads together and figured out the best plan of action would be to go for a walk. The two went outside, Scotch in his Ninja Turtle regalia, including mask, one piece jumper, detachable shell and sword, and Rum in her work pants and mowing-the-yard flip-flops. Scotch had a really hard time remembering Rum's name and all he could ever come up with was Rotch, which is the most beautiful sound the Ninja Turtle Mommy had ever heard, so she gladly changed her name from Rum to Rotch.

They finished their walk, and they all lived happily ever after.

Oooo gurl, you tole heeyum!

**Warning - this post contains the word "ass" in several places. Please exit if you are offended by this word, or if you would be offended that a grown woman would call a 10 year old boy this word.**

Is it bad to call a kid an ass? No? Okay. Good.

Clara told me on the way home the other day that this boy in her class asked her if she is any good at soccer. Naturally, she said "well, yeah." Then he said, "do you practice a lot?" "Yes," she said, "we practice a couple times a week."

Then the little ass said, "well I guess you're not all that good, are ya, or you wouldn't need all that practice?"

ASS! ASS! ASS! ASS!

I asked her what she said, and she didn't quite know WHAT to say to this ass. I mean - first of all, do we treat this as teasing? As dissing? Or do we just assume this child is "special" and doesn't grasp the concept of practice? Or do we assume the kid is jealous? Or, do we assume the kid likes Clara (like, like-likes, not just likes) and is intimidated by her abilities? I think he's a little ass.

Whatever.

So a few days after that incident, Clara got in the car, pleased as punch. She said "do you remember the kid who asked me if I practice soccer a lot?" and I said that I did. "Well," she began, "I really got him back and GOOD."

WHOOOOPEEEEE!!

"What'd ya do?" I asked her excitedly.

"Well, see, there is a girl in my class, and she just got a new dog, and everyone was talking about it, including the boy that asked me that, and then someone else asked what kind of dog it was and the boy that asked me said, 'Is it a Yorkie?' and and and and I said "NO, BUT YOU'RE A DORKIE!"

BOOOOOYAH you little dorkie ass!

The moral of this story is…don't mess with Clara. If you do…she'll get ya back. It might not be today, and it might not be tomorrow, BUT SHE WILL GET YOU!

Fabulous Friday Fun

Can you guess what James is doing?

And don't say, "playing with plastic cups on the kitchen floor!"

'Cause he is...but things are starting to come together here...

Yes! We have nicely placed cups!

What is a boy with a firefighter jacket and a deflated basketball to do??

Yeah! He "bowls!" And he gets a strike!

Wahoooooooooooo!

Hodgepodge

A few funny things:

James calls the mummy Halloween decoration at Lowe's a "wrapped up mommy."

James now knows how to write his name, cat, dog, dad nut, and mimi (not so much funny as amazing, and i wanted to document it so I'll remember).

Grandma Dolloff was trying to log on to the PBS website at her house for James to play. She was having a hard time, and she said, "well James, I'm going to pbs.org and it isn't working." James said, "no Grandma! It's pbsKIDS.org." Take that, Grandmo!

My daughter apparently has two personalities. Home life personality and social life personality. She had a friend over the other day, and I can't even count how many times I heard her exclaim, "Dude!" Something I've never in my life heard her say.

A conversation relayed to me via email from Scott (copied and pasted):

James: "um, how should I put this?" pointing his pointer finger to his chin.
Me: What is it James?
James: "well, im hot."
Me: take your shirt off james.
James: "Thanks!"

Yesterday James came to me, and told me he needed to poop. "Go poop!" I said. He came back just a few seconds later, pulling up his britches. "If your butt just says (raspberry sound accompanied by silent blowing) then you dont have to wipe or flush...right?"

Annnnnnd now, a couple of really wonderful things.

I found a DARLING dining set on craigslist...it was a fabulous deal. Sadly, I dont think it's for sale anymore as I have not heard back from the seller. Anyway, I showed my mom and tried to justify the dollars I'd have to spend to get it...and she suggested that it would make a PERFECT Christmas gift. :):):):) Isn't that sweet!?

My mother in law emailed me today and asked if she could borrow Clara one Saturday this month. She and my sister in law want to take Clara to lunch and shopping for her birthday. Scott's parents and sister are NOT related to my daughter by blood. At all. And yet...they mean as much to her as MY parents and MY sisters. They love her as much and she loves them as much. It's as if it's always been this way...like they'd been there at the hospital for her birth. You would never know that they only met her a little less than 5 years ago. They are unbelievable people! Sometimes I cannot believe how fortunate I am that I have such a wonderful family. I mean, I really (for the most part) get along with my ex-husband, and I think his new wife is a great gal! Clara really digs her...and she treats Clara like gold. Step-families can be so complicated. Please do not get me wrong...Doug and I have our moments. I mean...big time. But we don't hate each other...we don't talk bad about each other to Clara...we aren't vindictive and we don't use Clara against each other. I really don't have it all that bad :)

Another person who loves Clara...Scott. She calls him Daddy or Step-Daddy, and while her biological dad holds her heart the way no other person will (including me), she totally respects Scott, loves him, and is proud of him. And he feels about her the way any dad would feel about his daughter. He loves her, he has high expectations for her, he hates how fast she's growing up and at the same time loves to watch her grow and change. This family was just MEANT TO BE!

Last night I had quite a breakdown about one area of my life and Scott was so great. He held me, he talked to me, he comforted me...I would have cried for hours, I am sure, if he had not been there to make me feel better. I was so grateful to have him last night. I get embarrassed to cry uncontrollably in front of him (or anyone else for that matter)...but he's the only one I think I really would. Well except my mom and sisters. But that's different :) Anyway, thank God for him, thank God he was there, thank God he was patient and knew just what to do and say. Because I am FINE today. Just fine.

I love to do makeup. And I LOVE when people ask me to do their makeup. I have had friends ask me, I've had family ask me, and of course, I've done the one wedding. And yet...none of that compared to tonight, when Clara asked me to put makeup on her the way she is going to be allowed to wear it when she "becomes a woman."

Really! She did! My little girl asked me to SHOW her. She could have asked her friends, or looked in magazines, or just tried it out herself...but she wanted me to show her :) So I did. For those of you who might judge me for saying my daughter can wear makeup at such a young age, I say KISS IT. I've said it before...if she's old enough to deal with all the things you have to deal with for a period, she can wear a little shadow, mascara and lip gloss. Oh, and, also...I am going to get her eyebrows waxed. Okay, okay I deserve a little judgment for that one...but she's got such thick eyebrows...and she's down with it. So leave us alone! You don't know us!!

She had a friend over today. They had a great time and they played hide and seek with James. Wasn't that nice?? I guess the age difference is enough that he's still cute to her, instead of annoying.

Appropriate post for Halloween Month!

Do you believe in ghosts? I don’t. That’s why I’m a little freaked out.

For a while now, before I even married Scott and he lived at our house by himself, there has been a strange creaking in the corner of the ceiling on our bedroom. He would joke that it was the guy who lived in the attic. Well, I gave credit to wind and settling of the house, as any rational adult would, until my son started TALKING to the corner. Well, talking to the man in the corner! I’d catch him (though not often, admittedly) blabbering to nobody (it seemed) and I would ask who he was talking to. He’d point to the corner where the ceiling meets the walls and say “that man right there!”

*Shudder*

Then, once while Scott was out of town hunting, James and I were left to fend for ourselves, since Clara was spending the night elsewhere. I got up from my bed where I was watching TV to get a drink pretty late into the night (James was asleep in my bed already). I went into the kitchen…and no lie, my dishwasher was going. I did not start it. I wouldn’t have started it and forgotten because it wasn’t even half full and I am a water lover, not a water waster. Ask my husband. He’s been b*tched at about wasting water plenty of times.

Anyway, I stood there for a second trying to rationalize this. The alarm was on. Clara was not home. My parents have the type of dishwasher that, if you lean on it you might accidentally turn it on with your hip. Not mine…you have to manually lock it, and then manually turn the knob. So the theory that perhaps the dog had bumped into it went out the window. I honestly could not figure out how that thing was turned on.

So I did what any rational adult would do – I FREAKED OUT and called my mother. Told her what happened. She groggily asked what I wanted her to do…of course I didn’t know. I didn’t think a ghost did it – I thought a ROBBER CAME IN and STARTED MY DISHWASHER and he was still in my house waiting to pounce. So, Mom came over and checked everything out for me. Under beds…in closets…behind curtains. Nothing. She left and called me when she got home and I made her stay on the phone with me while I armed myself with wine and/or beer (can’t remember) to help me sleep – I was NOT going back in that kitchen by myself. I locked the door and barricaded myself in my room with my son and my dog.

When I woke the next morning, all was well.

Since then, we’ve had a few instances of James talking to the Man in the Corner and hearing the creaking, but nothing huge like the dishwasher. We’ve joked around about the ghost in our house, not really believing that there’s an ACTUAL GHOST in our house, but maybe sorta kinda thinking maybe there just might be. Mom said that if we DO have a ghost that started the dishwasher, I should probably just leave my vacuum out and plugged in, just in case Ghostie feels like cleaning some more.

This past weekend, I was watching TV on our bed, Scott was on the computer, James was in the living room, and Clara was (of course) not home. I heard a noise coming from The Corner but it wasn’t the usual creaking, it was an actual KNOCK. A light knock, but a knock. Two raps. I told Scott about it and we nervously giggled about our ghost, and he of course assumed I was REALLY hearing something else (and me too, truthfully).

Till that night. That night James slept on a pallet and we had the dog in our room with us. The cat still gets a little rambunctious at night so we didn’t keep him in the room when we shut the door. Somewhere deep in the middle of the night, I heard BANG BANG coming from our bedroom door. Two raps. But not just little light knocks. Hard enough to shake the door in the frame. DEAR GOD, I must have dreamed that. So I lay still, holding my breath, waiting to see if there was more in store. Silence, except for Scott bolting upright, ears perked. We stayed like that for 60 seconds or so, when I finally whispered “what WAS that?”

“You heard it too???” he asked. “I thought it was just me! I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“No,” I said, “I heard it too. Someone knocking on the door.”

We were both kind of scared out of our minds, I felt down beside the bed to make sure James hadn’t gotten up - no, he and the dog were sound asleep right beside me on the floor. We were terrified to voice outloud what we were both thinking…REMEMBER THE KNOCKS I HEARD EARLIER???

I went to the restroom (if I died at the hands of an evil spirit I was not going to go out with wet undies!), came back and asked Scott if he was going to check it out. He hesitated ever-so-slightly and said “yeah.” He got out of bed and opened the bedroom door and our kitty ran inside. “Ohhhh!” I said. “It was the cat! My parents’ cat used to knock on the door when she wanted in.”

Yes. Our undersized cat who weighs maybe 6 pounds made the door shake in the frame. C.K. would lightly rap on the door with both paws, over and over. Not two big bangy bangs. But whatever. It was the cat right?? Had to be the cat. What else could it be?I told Mom this yesterday, and she assumes it IS a ghost, a benevolent ghost who starts the dishwasher and who knows the cat wants inside with the rest of the family. After all, as she pointed out, a ghost could just go right through the door if he wanted in. But he couldn’t bring the cat in so he banged on the door to wake us up and cause us to open the door…allowing the cat to join us in the bedroom!

Hooooooooooo Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee Oooooooooooooooo!

TGIF, People.

I cannot believe it is Friday again. Don't get me wrong - I am gladder than glad ever was. I just can't believe how time is flying!

Speaking of time flying, I have a birthday party to plan. Clara's going to be ELEVEN this month. I think this is going to be the year that she "becomes a woman." It happened to my mom, my sister and me at this age, and Clara definitely appears to be on that same track. I wonder if she's excited about it...I remember when I got my first period, my mom wasn't home and my cousing Derek and I were hanging out at the house. As soon as I saw, I KNEW...but I was in denial. My mother confirmed it though...and I was mortified. I did NOT want to start...I didn't want anyone to know. My sweet dad bought me earrings for the occasion and again, mortified. I didn't want to be alone with him for months because I was afraid he was going to want to talk about menstruation. Ah, if only I'd known...

But I think Clara is looking forward to hers a little bit, if you want to know the truth. We've been so nonchalant about talking about periods and the like, so she's less embarrassed than I was, I think. She asks questions about periods without hesitation and doesn't mind hearing about it (hearing about the actual baby-making freaks her the hell out, though, so we don't go there much). Anyway, I told her that when she's old enough to have a period and to have to deal with it, she'll be old enough to wear a tiny bit of makeup. We're taking about clear mascara and lipgloss...MAYBE a nude eyeshadow. So she's excited about that.

Anyway. I had absolutely no idea where this post was going when I started it. Still not really sure.

So I am going to a Halloween party this month and I don't know what I'm going to be. I was seriously considering Marilyn Monroe...BUT. I will be getting my hair highlighted before then and I am going a little darke for fall/winter so I don't know if I could pull it off without a wig, and I don't want to spend money on a wig OR wear one all night, so who knows.

Well, that's all I guess.

Chatting with James

James: Guess what?!

Me: What

James: (making very grave face) I have bad news

Me: (making equally very grave face) Oh no what kind of bad news?

James: There is bird poop on our window on our car.

Me: (stifling a laugh) Oh no that IS bad news!

James: And bird poop is kind of like human poop.

Me: Is that right? What is a human anyway?

James: A human is a kind of man and lady. And they spend time together.

Me: Hmmmm, where did you learn this?

James: (matter-of-factly) I used to go to high school.

Me: When did you go to high school??

James: A long long time ago.

Me: I don't remember that, how long ago was that?

James: (makes L shape with his finger and thumb) Well, a long long time ago. This long!
*****************************************************

Also, I found out yesterday from James - to make a baby, you have to hug. WHERE DID HE GET THIS!? That's getting awfully close for a three-year-old! I am ALL FOR teaching the kids young where babies came from and how our bodies work...but this at three? He's going to be asking all the hard questions before kindergarten. I just know it!

A Big Willy

This isnt as dirty as it sounds...

I have a sweet thing to say but I need to preface it with some explanation. Scott's kind of famous for saying things that sound dirty, but aren't. For example, we were playing a board game with...well shoot - I don't remember if it was Stacie and Looney, or Courtney and Terry. Either way, Scott got a chill down his spine and he looked at me and said "Brr! I got a little willy!" Haha! I told him that wasn't anyone else's business but ours. We all tease him mercilessly about this, and it was quite some time ago.

Then once, the dog was on the couch, and he said "Just jerk her off." Ewwwwww!

So that's the backstory. Today Scott (just now) brought me a Diet Dr. Pepper and some back-up shoes (see below). I kissed him through the car window, and he kind of bristled and said, "you just made my stomach JUMP!" Haha, yay! I still got it!!!! Then he emailed me and said that I gave him a "big ol' willy too."

As in...a big chill down his spine. LOLOLOLOL! But it would sound a lot different if you didn't know the back story.

Hi, DeeDee! Did you especially love this story??

Sunday, Clara came home with a HUGE knot on her head. She'd had a soccer game and got kneed right on the side of her noggin. I swear, it was like a golf ball or an egg was growing right out of her. POOR baby :( It's finally getting better, but her head is really tender. It's hard for her to wash or brush her hair still.

Sunday evening we celebrated Dad's birthday. My sisters, the sons-in-law and I got him a really cool fire pit. It's really big, square, and has about, I dunno...4 inches of slate pieces all around the edge. I think he likes it! He better...Steph and I went to Lowe's, Home Depot, Outdoor Kitchens, Hearth House, Garden Ridge and Target looking for the perfect one...only to go back to the first place we went to purchase the first one we liked. Go figure. OH well. He's our daddy! He's a great daddy!

James always wants to play with his besties, Jackson and Lane. The other day I tried to call their mom, Courtney, and couldn't reach her. James was up my butt asking over and over if they were coming over, and I told him I couldnt get a hold of their mom to ask. Yesterday, he said "Um, Mommy? You should try to call Courtney again today. Maybe you'll finally get the hang of her." :)

So, after my terrible mishap with my pants yesterday, I was sitting here at work, and the strap of my shoe broke. I wasn't walking, or even standing. I was sitting at my desk with my legs crossed, absolutely no pressure on my right shoe whatsoever. And it just broke! I just slammed the damn thing in the trash...and then slammed the other one in the trash behind it. Whatever. I left work and walked through the parking lot with bare feet and stapled pants yesterday. I was dressed no better than a hobo. My hair and makeup were better...but my clothes. Man.

So I bought some new black shoes yesterday. I didn't really give them a good go at the store because I had James with me, and I was in a hurry. Too bad, because this morning when I got ready for work, I put my new shoes on and they're at least a size too big. I have two tissues stuffed into the toe of each shoe and they're still not fitting right :( Will I ever get it right??? I absolutely cannot wear these shoes again, and I'm going to have to buy new ones.

Here's a fun fact about yours truly!

I have gained so much weight (in spite of the weight loss blog that may or may not exist - BUT DON'T ASK) that today I am wearing Spanx (nothing new here), with capri pants that are soooooo tight I popped one of the two buttons AND AND AND the poor seam in the crotch finally gave up and ripped so I had to, ahem, STAPLE it back together. Yes, staple.

Have you ever in your life???

I give this post an "ohhh brother" and a "gaaaaaaaah."

Here's a much better fact: I quit smoking 20 days ago and I have saved 56 dollars on cigarettes :):):):):):):):):)

What have I done?

Through her elementary school years, Clara would periodically ask me to come have lunch with her. Sit with her and her friends, bring her McDonald's, and just enjoy lunch with her. I did it a few times…I think I even did it once last year. Maybe. Once.

I do know that she asked me a few times toward the end of the year, and the weeks flew by, and I never made it. Every now and again, she'd say…"so when are you going to get to come have lunch with me?" And I'd say, "oh…probably next week, I think I can take off work then." And I just never did it.

Yesterday I picked her up from school and realized - she's too big. She doesn't want that anymore. I just knew. But to make sure, I asked her. Of course, her answer to my question was a very shy, reluctant "no." She hates to hurt people's feelings, it's hard for her to be honest with me sometimes if she thinks it will make me sad. Which it did, but I knew it was coming.
What have I done? Where did my baby girl go? Seriously…I don't have a baby girl anymore. She is cool, she is grown up, she is independent. She is her own person and no longer really an extension of me. I know she'll always be my daughter, but she no longer really NEEDS me. Sure, she needs my money. But there is nothing she can't really do by herself.

I feel awful. I mean - really, really awful. I feel like something is gone, and I guess that's because something IS gone. I am so glad that I've learned from Clara, but I'm devastated that I had to. I rushed her to grow up. I couldn't wait for her to walk, to talk, to run, to learn..and now, she's just slipping away. I learned from raising her not to rush James. To be more patient. To know that even though I haven't really slept through the night in 2 years with him in the house, one day, I will, and this will be GONE. His little baby three-year-old self will be gone, just like my little baby Clara is gone. And my young lady is here now. I ADORE this young lady, but I just am having a hard time forgiving myself for letting the time fly by.

Am I nuts? Am I the only person who feels so guilty about her children growing up? Does every mother second guess everything she did, and wish she'd done things differently? Better? I know I sound whackadoo but sometimes it hurts me so much I feel like I can't take it.
As hard as I try to convey my feeling in writing, I just can't on this. I always always always ramble…but this time especially, I feel like a blabbering idiot. I can't write down how I feel from start to finish because it's not a start to finish kind of thing. See what I'm saying? Blabbering. I'll quit now. I just miss my girl :(

What have I done? Why didn't I have lunch with her more? WHY?

People review - my husband!

The whole reason I hooked up with my husband was so I could get free karate lessons for Clara and for myself. Look what I get for being greedy!

Just kidding. About both. BUT REALLY. The reason I went up to Scott at the bar that night was because I knew he taught karate and I wanted to ask him about getting Clara into class. Well, four and a half years later, and neither one of us takes any classes at all! Clara really doesn’t have time right now, soccer takes up enough of her life as it is. But there is no excuse for me! I can get a private lesson in the living room…so why aren’t I?

I don’t know. First, I’m definitely more into the private lessons. I have taken group classes from him in the past, and let me tell you – it is not fun to call your husband “Master” in front of other people. Also, I remember when my mom and I got giggly in class. We both got a stern look from the Master. It’s reeeeeeeeeally hard not to say anything when stuff like that happens. I know he has friends whose wives take classes from them. But Scott is meaner than them, probably. Honestly – I’m more afraid of how I will react in front of students and parents than anything else…because…he’s the boss at the karate school, and I know for a fact I won’t have any say-so up there at all. Don’t get me wrong – he’s a good guy –it’s the reason he does what he does instead of working for someone else. He has to be in charge.

Back to private lessons. Why am I not taking them? I have access to THE most talented martial arts instructor in the country right at my fingertips, and I am not taking advantage of this. He really is something else. You should see him in action. You should see him teach. The parents are charmed (yes I have seen more than one karate mommy look at him in adoration…it’s true!), the kids are simultaneously fearful and in awe, as well as eager to please and respectful of him. He just has a way with teaching. It’s the real reason I am with him. I took one look at him teaching Clara and I knew!

So, not only is he the best instructor you will ever find, he’s just so talented! He moves with the speed of lightning, and has almost knocked my block off on more than one occasion when I’ve come home late at night, and he wakes up groggy, not remembering that I’ve been out. The last time that happened and he showed up in the hallway with some kind of weapon, I told him he better keep his phone by the bed from now on when I’m out, because I’m calling at least once before I walk in the door.

Well, when I started this post, my point was about karate lessons and this has kind of turned into a people review. So, I’ll just go ahead and say it before I go on another tangent. I am going to start private lessons! Every Friday afternoon I am going to have a private lesson and then we are all going to a family dinner. Does that not just sound fantastic? I think Friday is going to be my favorite day of the week from now on.

Although I have TONS more I could say about my husband, I will leave most of them for another day since this post is already so long. I’ll just stick to the karate part of him, and let everyone who reads this blog (all two of you, plus probably Scott – I’m sure I’ll direct him here since I wrote specifically about him) how amazing he is at what he does. Both the karate part and the business side. There is no way in a hundred lifetimes I could start and keep my own business. He works all the time. Even when he’s not working, he’s working. It’s true. The things he has to come up with blow me away. I don’t know how he keeps track of everything. I don’t even know what all he has to keep track of! It’s insane, really.

So, in conclusion, I highly recommend Scott if you ever want to take martial arts lessons.

I promise that’s not all he is about, and one day I will go into the other incredible things that make up who my husband is.

What kind of a monster must I be?

So, James never ever ever ever goes to sleep well. It's a battle every single night, and usually on into the middle of the night to KEEP him asleep and in bed.

Last night was no exception. I put him in my bed, where he likes to start, knowing I would move him to his bed when I turn in for the night. I went in there time and time again and told him to close his eyes. Each time, he responded by animatedly flipping over to his tummy and squeezing his eyes shut as tight as they would go. Only to open them right back up and hop around on the bed as soon as I was gone.

I happened to be in the kitchen when Scott got home, and he came in and said, "you should see our little boy."

"Is he STILL UP?" I said with a sigh.

"Yeah, he's reading a book, he looks like a tiny adult in there."

"Grrrr. I told him to GO TO SLEEP!"

So I went in the bedroom and sure enough, he was adorable. I watched him for a few moments, and then approached him slowly. As soon as he saw me, the book went FLYING and he flopped down and squeezed those eyes. Timidly, he opened them and looked at me, and I looked at him, trying not to bust out laughing.

Then he said in a tiny little scared voice..."what are you going to do, Mommy?"

Hahaha! What kind of a monster am I? What am I going to do? Like...what did he think?

Well that was adorable x 100 so I said, "what do YOU think I should do?" and he said, "I think you should snuggle with me."

And...so that's what I did. :)

I am DOOMED.

So, I am counting my calories (today).

Scott made me some eggs this morning and I called to find out how many and if any were just whites, or whatever.

Me: How many eggs did you make me this morning?

Him: Like, well, two..or it was probably closer to three.

Me: Three? Really, okay.

Him: And a yolk.

Me: Okay bye.

I sat there for a sec and thought to my self…why on earth would someone ADD an extra yolk? You’re supposed to take away the yolks!

So I call him back.

Me: A yolk? You put an extra yolk in there?

Him: Yes, a yolk.

Me: Not a white?

Him: No, a yo – yes it was a white.

Me: Okay, so three eggs plus a white?

Him: No. Two whites and one yolk.

Me: Okay so one egg plus one white. That’s pretty different than your original answer of three eggs plus a yolk.

Him: I HAVE TO GO!

So…he feels bad for snapping at me, he was on the other line and I kept bugging him about eggs. So he emails me.

Him: i made a total of 5 eggs. With one egg yolk. Sorry I was short, I hope you don’t hate me!

Me: i dont hate you but you are still confusing me. so five eggs plus one extra yolk???? or four egg whites plus one whole egg? please dont get frustrated with me...youve not told me the same thing twice yet, and i'm counting my calories.

Him: a total of 5 eggs including 1 egg yolk. Or 5egg whites and 1 egg yolk Or 4 egg whites + one egg white and one egg yolk. does that help at all. :) or is it still confusing

Me: if you say a "total of five eggs" then that sounds like five EGGS, meaning entire eggs! What you did was make one egg and four whites. And then…Clara and I split that, right?

Him: Right.

OMG!!!!!! NO WONDER I AM SO OVERWEIGHT!!!!!! See what happens when I try to be good and count my calories!?

Avatar - capable of breaking wind!

So James likes me to draw an arrow on his forehead and he pretends to be Avatar. I'm not really familiar with this cartoon, but it's some kind of Japanese martial arts weird thing that James loves.

Anyway, the big deal about Avatar, well, he is an air bender. Or, to James, a wind breaker. So, James likes to dress up like Avatar and break wind. :)

Clara had two games this weekend and won both. I went to the first one and she made several saves. The other team didn't get one single goal! The best block she made was on a penalty shot...the other team made a GREAT shot right over the heads of all the girls...Clara jumped up and caught it! It really was an awesome save.

Also, this guy on facebook sent me a message. It said "my name is ugur I am turkey. do you make friends my friend?" HAHAHAHA! I most certainly do make friends (my friend) but not with turkeys named ugur!

What am I doing wrong?

I thought I was rockin on with my bad self. I got an espresso machine since I fell in love with the double shot on ice with a splash of skim milk while in Vegas.

I got the whole bean Starbucks coffee.

I ground the coffee up in my magic bullet.

I followed the directions to a T.

It tastes not yummy :(

Whaaaaaaaaat? What did I do? Did I grind the beans too much? Did I hover excessively? Does a watched espresso machine never brew well? WHAT?

Inteep the African

James has an older brother. He is actually the person who gave James his football jacket. Yes, it's true. I only found out last night. His name is Inteep and he is from Africa. I can't wait to meet him

What do you think?

I just tried to call a client at work. I picked up the handset on the phone, punched in the number and waited, waited, waited...and the phone never rang. In fact, the dial tone never went away.

Then I realized. I had dialed the number on my desk calculator. The numbers are even reversed. And still.

What do you think is wrong with me?

Big girl

I love my big girl room.

I've never had a big girl room before. It's so pretty. With its blue walls, pure snow white duvet, white framed mirrors, crystal (esque) lamps with square white shades, perfect wall art (that I did all by myself) that throws a splash of orange into the mix...it's just wonderful. Just, well, don't tell my husband that it is a big girl room. He really likes it.

Okay I think I'm ready to tell you. I haven't smoked since I got home from Vegas. No, I take that back. I smoked one cigarette on Saturday night at Adrienne's house. With Hairy. Hairy let me bum a smoke. And then, at my mom's (and dad's - but I just call it my mom's), I took two drags off my sister's Marlboro Ultra Light. And...I thought it was yuck! I really did! This is not to say that I am over it or this is easy or that I don't WANT to smoke anymore, this is just to say - I might actually be done smoking. You notice I did NOT say that I have quit smoking. Because, well, chances are, I haven't. I don't want to fail AGAIN so I am not saying that I am quitting. I know, I know...what a great attitude to have in something! But, for realzies, I have "quit" before and never quit. So I'm just not saying it.

I hope my children inherit my don't-challenge-yourself-or-believe-that-ya-got-it-in-ya attitude. Yes, I hope they go through life aiming for a little less than mediocre and landing just right above it in most things, thereby (LOL, I sure did just say "thereby") being pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed. Because if you aim for the top and you fall even a little short, you're gonna be sad. So, do what I do. Shoot for right below average! It will change your life!

OFCOURSEIAMKIDDINGIWANTMYKIDSTOAIMHIGH.

BYE!

This morning sucked.

I had to get up super early because I did not bathe all weekend (THAT'S RIGHT, FOLKS, I'M SHANNON, I'M DISGUSTING) and I had painted my heart out and was covered in (mostly dark blue) paint from head to toe. I needed time to soak in the tub. So I was already tired.

Then on my way out the door I dropped my coffee cup and shattered it all over the kitchen. I mean alllll over. There was glass across the entire kitchen, from the coffee pot, through the eating area, and to the back door.

And then when I squatted down to pick it up, my damn zipper came undone because my pants are too tight.

BYE! BYE! BYE! I'M SO DONE WITH TODAY!!! BYE!!!!

CHOKE!

Uhhhhh so....

Clara took her 5th grade reading assessment and it shows she reads as well as a second grader. Yes, this is the same kid who got a perfect score on her TAKS or whatever it's called.

What's up with that? Was she distracted? Did her brain melt over the summer? Am I a terrible mother who let her only daughter lose her ability to read???

Well, gives us a goal and something to work on, right? Because if there's one thing we need, it's MORE FRIGGIN' THINGS TO WORK ON.

Bye!

Nothing to write :(

I feel like I have nothing, even though that cannot be true...right?

Let's talk about Vegas. But not TOO much, for as everyone knows...what happens in Vegas, blah blah blah.

Day 1. I wake up at 4am and get everything ready to go. Courtney and I are planning to pull out of her driveway at 5am sharp. I was kissing everyone goodbye and the cat was last. Kissed him and turned to leave the bathroom and WHAM!!!! I slammed my face into the corner of the door. My eyelid and cheekbone immeidately start swelling and I can tell I'm going to have a black eye. yay. We arrive at the hotel at about 9am. Courtney the rockstar talks the front desk guy (Rey was his name) into letting us check in, oh....SIX HOURS EARLY. What a relief! And we got connecting rooms so the four of us were able to hang out the whole time :) We put on our suits and went to the pool. We got a lot of attention from young hotties for being the old ladies that we are. I am not kidding! We had a group of three young fellas that I am still not convinced were old enough to be holding the beers that they were. Whateva. They were darling and fun. And what fat old bag doesn't like young male attention (even if all I wanted to do was lick my thumb and get the mayo off the side of his cheek and slick down his cowlick)?

Adg and I took off for the room after a couple hours and left Kristen and Courtney to fend for themselves. I fully expected them to come shortly after I settled, to take naps of their own, but NO. No sir, no ma'am. Like...three hours later, they come STUMBLING in, yelling and carrying on with such tom-foolery that you have never heard in your life. Honestly. I have never seen Courtney like that. Just a-gigglin and a-slurrin and a-dragging my sleepy butt out of my bed. "TIME TO GET READY! WE MET A BUNCH OF GAY PEOPLE! THEY ARE SO MUCH FUN! WE ARE MEETING UP WITH THEM~!!!!! GET READY GET READY GET READY!!!"

Well, I got up...and we got ready...four hours worth of gettin' ready. We headed down to some rinkydink place and shared nachos and had salads...and everyone was ready to poop out. Well, everyone except me. That's all I'll say about THAT. :) So we head back to the hotel and almost make it to our rooms when a crazy group of beautiful people stop us in the hallway. "Where are you going??" they ask. "Do you want a shot? We drank all the tequila but we have whiskey!" And one of them launches into some WHACK story about waking up next to a hooker, running from the cops and the hooker's pimp, you know - the usual. BUT anyway, there are a few girls in the group, making us feel more comfortable to hang out with these people. They were there for a wedding and were all five crammed into one room. We did take a shot of said whiskey and Courtney went ahead to the hotel while Kristen and Adrienne and I headed downtown with our new friends. I am telling you, each and every single one of these people was so adorable. The guys were soooo cute, and yet had no hesitations about acting like absolute dorks. The girls were the kind that you love to hate. Skinny, gorgeous hair and skin, awesome clothes...but they were SUPERDUPER NICE!!! We couldn't hate them! OH! But we didn't leave until we'd been shouting with laughter in the hotel hallway for at least 15 minutes and some poor old guy came out in his undies and gently reminded us that there were "OTHER PEOPLE!!!!!!!!" at the hotel. Sorry sir!!!

We went to some (I think local) hangout called Griffin's that night. It was this rad lounge type place...all dark and red and fiery. We talked and drank and had an absolute ball. These people were so fun :) I don't even remember why we left that place (maybe because it was in the wee hours of the morning) and walked around downtown a little bit. Walked. Ha! More like weaved in and out...hootin' and hollerin'. Either way. It was kind of an anticlimactic ending to the night...we sort of just went back to the hotel rooms and went to sleep.

Day 2: Coffee, coffee, coffee! More like, double shot of espresso on ice! Maybe another. Me swearing off beer and cigarettes for the REST OF MY LIFE. Heading down to the pool to chillax and read my book about a serial killer who terrorizes people in the mountains of...Montana I think? Courtney and I ordering our first bucket of beer right before noon, after we'd finished a couple of smokes. We didn't last at the pool very long that day - Court was the first one up, she had some work to do. I had had so much caffeine I knew I couldn't take a nap, but I also was FREAKING hot and didn't want a sunburn, so we all headed back into the room. I laid down on my bed while Court clicked away at her laptop on hers, and passed the hell out with a bag of chips next to me and a few M&Ms on my belly watching some girly movie on TBS. Three hours later...we're all waking up feeling GREAT!!!!

More espresso, more getting ready, then we share a limo with our new friends. I'm telling you, these girls were cuter the next time around. Anyway, we all went to the strip together, the four of us went to Dragon Noodle Co. at the Monte Carlo (where Scott and I were married and shared our first married people meal!) and had sushi, and then met up with the group after dinner. Did I mention that we traveled all the way to Vegas to meet people who live in San Angelo? That sounds about right, doesn't it?? Anyway, it was Sunday night and we were having a hard time finding a club that was open, believe it or not! We ended up at some hotel, Planet-Planet-Planet Hollywood I think, where THEY HAD KARAOKE!!! Did you guys know that I ADORE karaoke? Well, I do!!! So does Court. While everyone stood around picking their noses trying to figure out where to go, Court and I signed up and sang What's Up by 4 Non Blonds.

By the time we were finished, the rest of the group had at least figured out that we needed shot(s). So we had shot(s) and then hiked to Tao. We were informed that it would be ROCKIN that night and that we jsut had to be there. We met some interesting fellas on the way, some British Columbian guys (or Irish, i dont know, i couldnt tell) who were there for a bachelor party. We learned that the groom was into animals and that his bride-to-be was a zebra. Only he said it like ZEBB-RA and Courtney was ever so confused as to what that was. He also asked her where he could find a coyote and li'l Court told him we wanted to go to Coyote Ugly too! Only...no, he actually was looking for a coyote. We learned some things, such as don't spin around, you will get dizzy (thank you kristen) and we learned that our darling new girlfriends were not shy - I know that one of them had on red undies and one had on blue...that's all I'll say about THAT.

We made it to Tao...CLOSED.

We wander aimlessly (I know I keep changing tenses...shut up about it okay?) until we find a group of people who appear to be on a mission! We asked them where they were going, and they informed us that they were going to Lavo. Whatever, where ever that is. We follow. We find it! They charge our sucker selves 10 bucks each to get in, and then they charge our sucker selves 9 dollars a beer. Yipe! But! We do get to finally, finally, finally get our dance on. They had a couple of scantily clad female dancers dancing on the bar, and I thought it would be just hilarious to stand under and behind one and have my picture taken gazing at her, um, rump. Unfortunately, she saw what was going on and came at me with all she had...and it made for a picture that was almost immediately deleted!!! DELETED!!!!! Also. It was dark in there - and after I looked at the picture with the flash, I'm not fully sure that she was actually a SHE.

After we were dripping with sweat (well just me) and out of beer, we decided to take off and find better things to do. We wandered again, finding 99 cent margaritas and ordering 16 of them (limit of 2 per person, so we ordered the max), going through a casino for one of the guys to throw money on a table and win a few hundred dollars, adn then somehow the girls got separated from the guys. We thought the best thing to do would be to find a bar near our hotel and let them know where we were. What better place to go than Glitter Gulch? Well, almost anywhere...because it was 20 bucks to get in and 2 drink minimum! NO THANK YOU SKANKALICIOUS DOORMAN! We stood there figuring out what to do and some crazy drunk weirdo (no, it was NOT me) comes up and starts just running his mouth with nonsense. After about five minutes, COurtney and I could no longer take it, so we excuse ourselves, stop by the 24 hour cafe at the hotel, and head to our room. The other girls, apparently, stopped at McDonald's and then did the same.

Day 3: I wake up and assess the damage. Not only am I sporting the black eye I talked about earlier, but I now have two new scrapes on my face. Don't know how, don't know when, don't know where. I think one of them might have been when we tried to build a people-pyramid on the street downtown and I had at least 3 people dogpiled on me, including a 6'7" (ish) fella. But whatever, I am not sure. More espresso. Packing. Swearing off beer and smokes again. Finding the coupon for a free beer in our coupon book. Redeeming the free beer while having a smoke. Then, just waiting, waiting, waiting. 335 rolls around and it's time for the bus to pick us up for the airport. It starts POURING, lightning, thunder, flooding in the ever-lovin' desert!!! Whatever, the plane boards on time, and then the captain (or whatever you call him - pilot?) announces that there are 40 planes ahead of us and we have to wait. GAH! No sooner than the captain/pilot turns off his intercom, the old man behind me PUKES CHINESE BUFFET FOOD ALL UNDER MY CHAAAAAAAAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Worst. Smell. EVER!!! Evereverever!!! We were given pre-filled coffee filters to hold over our noses and little packets of flavored Splenda to sprinkle about ourselves. So then it smelled like sour vomit AND coffee AND french vanilla! Oh well, I mean, it was only three hours. The best part was when Court said, "Shannon, you should probably put on your shoes. There are chunks all under your seat." What are you going to do, but laugh? That's what we did. I thought we were going to die we laughed so hard.

My little fangers are tired but I wanted to tell you about Adrienne's shiny things, Raul/Paul and also the shuttle ride from the hotel to the airport. Remind me, mmkay?

Unda pictures

My boy started school today! I was sad that I couldn't take him...Scott was the one who dropped him off. :( I didn't even get to see him all dressed and ready to go. He was still in his "undas" when I left.


Lately James has not been letting anyone take his picture. As soon as you point a camera at him, At our house we have a tradition of taking Clara's picture in front of the fireplace before EVERY first day of school. Well, James was totally ready to take his place as Big Boy of the Fireplace and have his picture taken. Since I had to leave before he got dressed, I took a couple of unda pictures :)


Sunday afternoon James, Scott and I went to the store. Clara didn't want to come. She likes having the house to herself. Can you imagine? Anyway, when we got home she asked if she could spend the night with Grandma (Scott's mom). I told her that she could not, because I didn't know if Grandma had to work the next day or not (Monday was a holiday), blah blah blah. Clara was DEFINITELY sad but she didn't argue too much and she never said anything else...and about five minutes later Grandma called just about begging me to let Clara spend the night. She didn't know I'd already said no, but how am I going to tell Grandma no? Clara is one lucky gal that she has so many people who love her like crazy :)


Last Friday at work, Scott informed me that we were having a date on Saturday, and that I didn't have to do a thing but show up and look purdy. So that's what I did, and we took James to Grandma's (Clara was with her Maryland grandparents) for the entire night, and Scott took me to downtown Fort Worth to see Four Day Weekend and dinner. Have you ever been to FDW? OMIGOSH. It is so much fun. It is a live improv show...the guys in it are GENIUSES. I highly suggest you see them sometime. Tickets are like 20 bucks each, and TOTALLY worth it. We had so much fun! Thanks Peadle :)

Going, going...dang.

We met James's new teacher today. She seems really nice and he was partly nervous, partly excited, partly overwhelmed. But TOTALLY cute.


And when his teacher was showing him where his cubby was, she said "Look James, can you find your name?" and then didn't give him time to find it and said "that's okay, i'll show you, here it is." I was all (inside my head), "oh Miss Mari, James is a genius, he can write his name and almost every letter...you don't have to show him..." but I figure she'll realize that before long.

I took Clara school shopping Sunday and we got her a few DARLING outfits and a couple of cute pairs of shoes. They're tennies, but they're CUTE tennies, little Mary Jane type dealies. Anyway. First day of school she wears her leggings, new black shoes, a babydoll t-shirt and a peasant looking tank top thingie, we curl her hair and flip it out. Second day, she wears her new brown shirt, brown plaid shorts and brown shoes. Two braids.

Well, that's all I'm going to get out of her this year I guess. Because Day 3, she wanted to wear her freakin soccer PRACTICE clothes and new athletic shoes her dad bought her. Sigh. Same thing today, Day 4. My daughter, the super jock.

She was absolutely pleased as punch with herself because she managed to get off the bus today with no back sweat. It's the little things, am I right? She figured out the best seat on the bus for staying cool...the other days she's come home with a soaking wet back. I'm glad she figured it out and I really feel for the poor kindergartener who sits in that seat before Clara gets on the bus. She'll dropkick him/her right into the seat behind the driver. I kid. She'd NEVER.