Ketchup

As in, ketchin up.

As in, I noticed a few posts ago that I gave my three readers a teaser and I never followed up, so I need to ketchup. See?

Whatevs.

For starters, I have some Jujisms. No, this is not some fancy kind of martial arts that Scott is teaching. Jujisms are quotes by the incomparable James “Juji” Squarepants. Oh, you didn’t know that he thought his last name was Squarepants? Well, he did.

James is NEVER EVER EVER James. We went to WalMart and to Mom’s and Dad’s for dinner Sunday, and James wore old pantyhose and a superman tank top, and over all that, he wore his Tigger costume and Spiderman house shoes. Yesterday we went to Target and he was Spiderman, head to toe, including mask. No, I take that back. He had on baseball shoes. But he’s just never James. He has about 20 costumes and he mixes and matches and wears them all the time. And I don’t argue…there are so many other things to argue about. He even went to school the other day with makeup on. *I* did not know this, and I would have drawn the line there, but Scott “forgot to wash his face,” better known as “I’m a dude and I didn’t even notice his face was dirty.” It wasn’t like he looked like a drag queen – he just had one eye outlined in blush, sort of like a red eye instead of a black eye. Get it? Anyway, he was being the fire bender, of course, and fire benders have one red eye. Not only does James dress up as known characters, he also makes them up. Why, just last week, he announced, “I AM DARK DORK!”

Yes, indeedy!

Following is an amusing conversation I had with James the other day:

James (very sternly): MOMMY. DID WE TALK ABOUT FIRED YET?

Me: Ummmm what about fired?

James: LISTEN IF YOU DON'T GET ME SOME CHICKEN NUGGETS AND CHIPS...YOU'RE FIRED!

Well, la de da. I dare you to fire me, we’ll see what happens then. Who will put your fire-bending makeup on then, huh?

It still amazes me James’s capacity for vocabulary and speech. He can say anything. He speaks like an adult, only with a tiny little voice. He brought me a picture of some kind of a dinosaur, I don’t even remember the name. Santosaliciousmegalosaurus or something like that. I said it once, and he had it down. That was all it took! He says everything so perfectly which is why I REFUSE to correct him or to let anyone else correct him when he talks about being a “mattatician” when he grows up. What’s a mattatician? Well, it’s one of those guys…he has a hat…he pulls rabbits out of it…and he has a wand. You know, a mattatician. SO CUTE, so if you hear him say it, you best not correct him, or you will have me to deal with, and YOU will be saying words all wrong, ‘cause your teeth will be knocked out and you will have a fat lip.

Scott’s trying really hard to teach James manners. He’s working a lot with “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir” and the like. James likes to mix it up a little and say “yes, sirree!” instead of the boring ol’ “sir.” Which is fine and dandy, but I asked him to do something, and he says to me, “Yes, MAMMARY!” That one got an actual guffaw out of me. Hahahahha, I’m laughing just thinking about it.

The Jooj is getting a bit of a smart mouth. The other night I was on the computer while he was in his bed trying to go to sleep. He was jackin’ around and I finally said, “James! That is ENOUGH!” To which he replied (in a super sarcastic tone I didn’t perfect till after puberty), “OKAAAAAAY, MUH-THUR.” Mother? HAHAHA!

But he ain’t all bad. He and Scott were having a heart to heart about life and Scott asked him, “would you ever hurt anyone?” James answered that he would, and I assumed Scott would tell me that James said that he’d hurt someone if they hurt his sister…or if he had to get away from a bad person…or something. But when Scott asked him when he would ever hurt someone, James said “well, I would only hurt someone so I could practice kissing it and making it better.” Makes sense to me, how about you?

And finally, Scott emailed me this gem: "Dont forget to share because sharing is the nicest thing." Sounds like something straight out of Winnie the Pooh, doesn’t it?

So, did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? We sure did! We had a great time over at Grandma and Granddaddy D’s