Shuffle, step.

As you know, my son is hilarious. Sometimes the things he comes up with just blow me away. One of these things is the “penis detector.” He is convinced that every male in America needs one of these. Boys and men need penis detectors for when their penises get sad. When James’s penis gets sad, it itches. So I am not sure how to help him, as I have not been able to find a penis detector and I am scared to death to google it. He SWEARS you can get one at the Penis Detector Store but again, haven’t run across one yet. Anyone have any ideas? Jennifer? Stacie?

He picks up on things that make me laugh. The other day he let me know that the reason he likes crackers are because of their “crackery goodness.” I mean – simple enough, right? Also, he has started to use quote fingers. He uses them TOTALLY wrong, but come on, how funny is that? He said to me, “uh, Mom? I’m getting *quote fingers* hungry for my *quote fingers* yucky old crackers.” LOL. Which brings up yucky old crackers. This is what he calls saltines. I am sure that at some point when he was tiny, he asked for a saltine and someone said to him, “oh, you don’t want any of those yucky old crackers.” But he did – and to this day, that is what he (and now everyone in the family!) calls them. His Grandma D has been known to wrap economy size boxes of yucky old crackers in festive wrapping paper and give them as gifts to James. He LOVES them!

Sometimes he reminds me so much of a little old man, the way he talks. A few days ago, he grabbed my hand and kissed the back of it. Then he said “look, I’m blushing.” Another instance – he and Clara were chasing each other down the hall and she turned quickly to him and he said “Clara! You gave me QUITE a scare.”

We had to buy Beck the dog a new collar. We needed a training collar (not the spiky kind, just the regular kind) and James and I went hunting for it. We stood looking at all the different collars and James said “I think what he need is a shock collar.” Only HE said “shot caller.” You know, like a balla, shot calla, 20 inch blades on the impala…”

So I am sure that nobody cares, but I am, as of last night, officially down 19 pounds! Yessssssss! And 9 inches. So so so glad! I have been at the gym almost every single day since I went to work part time, except for the few days that I didn’t even attempt, when we were all so sick. But it’s really really helping and I know that is making such a difference for me. Because, no matter what, I will never be perfect on any kind of diet. I just won’t. My caloric intake is still way down, but I do not follow my diet exactly, and I have some beer and wine here and there, that kind of thing, and the exercise is really making up for it. I’m so glad to be back into it. I really love it!

But you know what? I am such a sweater. Not as in the kind that keeps you warm, but as in, I drip nastiness when I get the least bit hot. So you can imagine what I look like after exercise AND the sauna/steamroom. It’s like I went swimming in my clothes. Anyway, I *think* I am getting sweat in my Ipod and they keep getting ruined! I had to buy my THIRD one yesterday! I refuse to even try to work out without my music, I just can’t do it. So…yeah. The third Ipod. Oh well. Small price to pay, I s’pose. And I don’t get the big fancy one – just the little shuffle.

So…okay bye!

Oh my GOSH what is this bug that we all have?

I have never had anything like this in my life. I told you earlier that James and Clara did not feel well - I think that was Tuesday. Well today (Sunday) is the first day that James has not been sick. I got sick on Friday and Scott joined us last night. Last night was just awful for the two of us. There are some pretty funny details but they are just WAY TOO DISGUSTING to post. Sorry and you're welcome at the same time!

Well, Miss Belle was the last of our brood of four to hold out. I was really crossing my fingers for her to stay well, especially because of how proud she is of her perfect attendance record at school so far this year. But it just wasn't meant to be. She got out of the bathtub a few minutes ago and announced that she felt baaaaaaaaaad. So I told her to get on her jammies and we would figure out a good place for her to lie down where she'd be comfy. I brought her a bucket and told her that it might be wise, if she has time and the wherewithal, to sit on the toilet while she pukes in the bucket if the need arose. She immediately said "CAN I HAVE THE BUCKET??" and snatched it out of my hands while simultaneously running to the bathroom AND losing the towel in which she was wrapped, which was the only thing between her naked self and the cruel eyes of.... (dun dun dun) BOYS (James and Scott).

She didn't know whether to go back for the towel or keep running to the bathroom, and I said, "GO GO GO!" and sprinted in front of her yelling "STAY BACK!" to the boys of the house, then grabbed James out of the bathroom where he was brushing his teeth and all but threw him down the hallway, around the bend so he'd be completely out of Clara's way and she'd be completely out of his sight. Then I screamed at Scott to leave the vicinity and stay away! When Clara was safely in the bathroom behind the closed door, James came back and huffed, "NO fair! I was there first!" Ha ha! As if it's a normal thing for me to do.

So it was a really chaotic five or ten seconds - a stampede with a crazy leader who hurls little boys and screams at grown men, followed by a naked preteen carrying a bucket and trying not to puke - but no boys saw her naked boody. So I'd like to call it a success!

Scott has taken to wearing his long underwear pants lately. Sometimes he doesn't wear anything else. No shirt, just the thermal pants. It's a pretty funny picture if you can imagine. I call them his ballet tights.

This evening James saw Scott in his thermals and said "Daddy, WHY are you wearing...ballet tights?" Then he laughed for a long time, really pleased with himself. This prompted Scott to get on his tippy-toes, put his arms in a circle above his head, and twirl around. That made ME laugh for a long time. What dorks we are.

Yawn. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

I started part time at work. LOVING IT. My plan is to leave work at noon and then work out until 2ish, which is what I have done every day so far this week, all two days.

James got stung by a bee. His first bee. Poor baby. We were at the park and I was helping cross the monkey bars. I kind of had my hand up in his crotch holding him up and he shrieked. I thought I had squished his little babyjewels, so I set him down and adjusted his pants. He was still telling me that it hurt, so I turned him around and found what I thought was a thorn in his shirt. I assumed he had been pricked so I shook his shirt and out fell a dead bee. I guess that is what I had actually squished. Served that little rogue right. Sting MY baby.

Last night, Clara came to me and said, “I kind of feel like I’m going to throw up.” So I had her lie down and take it easy. Then, James comes in and says, “Mommy mommy mommy mommy I have to poop!!” It seemed like an emergency so I ran to the bathroom with him and he barfed all over the floor. He said, “oh. I just thought I had to poop.” LOL. Anyway he upchucked twice more after that and Clara never did actually get sick. I’ll have to keep my eye on her I guess.

Have you all seen Benjamin Button? No? Go see it. Seven Pounds? Save your money.