As in, ketchin up.
As in, I noticed a few posts ago that I gave my three readers a teaser and I never followed up, so I need to ketchup. See?
Whatevs.
For starters, I have some Jujisms. No, this is not some fancy kind of martial arts that Scott is teaching. Jujisms are quotes by the incomparable James “Juji” Squarepants. Oh, you didn’t know that he thought his last name was Squarepants? Well, he did.
James is NEVER EVER EVER James. We went to WalMart and to Mom’s and Dad’s for dinner Sunday, and James wore old pantyhose and a superman tank top, and over all that, he wore his Tigger costume and Spiderman house shoes. Yesterday we went to Target and he was Spiderman, head to toe, including mask. No, I take that back. He had on baseball shoes. But he’s just never James. He has about 20 costumes and he mixes and matches and wears them all the time. And I don’t argue…there are so many other things to argue about. He even went to school the other day with makeup on. *I* did not know this, and I would have drawn the line there, but Scott “forgot to wash his face,” better known as “I’m a dude and I didn’t even notice his face was dirty.” It wasn’t like he looked like a drag queen – he just had one eye outlined in blush, sort of like a red eye instead of a black eye. Get it? Anyway, he was being the fire bender, of course, and fire benders have one red eye. Not only does James dress up as known characters, he also makes them up. Why, just last week, he announced, “I AM DARK DORK!”
Yes, indeedy!
Following is an amusing conversation I had with James the other day:
James (very sternly): MOMMY. DID WE TALK ABOUT FIRED YET?
Me: Ummmm what about fired?
James: LISTEN IF YOU DON'T GET ME SOME CHICKEN NUGGETS AND CHIPS...YOU'RE FIRED!
Well, la de da. I dare you to fire me, we’ll see what happens then. Who will put your fire-bending makeup on then, huh?
It still amazes me James’s capacity for vocabulary and speech. He can say anything. He speaks like an adult, only with a tiny little voice. He brought me a picture of some kind of a dinosaur, I don’t even remember the name. Santosaliciousmegalosaurus or something like that. I said it once, and he had it down. That was all it took! He says everything so perfectly which is why I REFUSE to correct him or to let anyone else correct him when he talks about being a “mattatician” when he grows up. What’s a mattatician? Well, it’s one of those guys…he has a hat…he pulls rabbits out of it…and he has a wand. You know, a mattatician. SO CUTE, so if you hear him say it, you best not correct him, or you will have me to deal with, and YOU will be saying words all wrong, ‘cause your teeth will be knocked out and you will have a fat lip.
Scott’s trying really hard to teach James manners. He’s working a lot with “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir” and the like. James likes to mix it up a little and say “yes, sirree!” instead of the boring ol’ “sir.” Which is fine and dandy, but I asked him to do something, and he says to me, “Yes, MAMMARY!” That one got an actual guffaw out of me. Hahahahha, I’m laughing just thinking about it.
The Jooj is getting a bit of a smart mouth. The other night I was on the computer while he was in his bed trying to go to sleep. He was jackin’ around and I finally said, “James! That is ENOUGH!” To which he replied (in a super sarcastic tone I didn’t perfect till after puberty), “OKAAAAAAY, MUH-THUR.” Mother? HAHAHA!
But he ain’t all bad. He and Scott were having a heart to heart about life and Scott asked him, “would you ever hurt anyone?” James answered that he would, and I assumed Scott would tell me that James said that he’d hurt someone if they hurt his sister…or if he had to get away from a bad person…or something. But when Scott asked him when he would ever hurt someone, James said “well, I would only hurt someone so I could practice kissing it and making it better.” Makes sense to me, how about you?
And finally, Scott emailed me this gem: "Dont forget to share because sharing is the nicest thing." Sounds like something straight out of Winnie the Pooh, doesn’t it?
So, did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? We sure did! We had a great time over at Grandma and Granddaddy D’s
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Is he cheating on me? Is it possible?
Scott? Cheating on me???
Scott and I went to Subway a few days ago (by the by, James loves Subway but he doesn’t call it Subway. To him, the restaurant is called Eat Fresh) and I was in front of him in line. The Sandwich Lady grunted at me about which kind of cheese and veggies I wanted (none and lettuce/tomato/onion/banana peppers/may I please have some more banana peppers/more, like twice that much), like seriously grunted, I wasn’t even sure at first she was addressing me.
Then it was SCOTTY’S turn and she was sunshine and rainbows as she greeted him with a smile and a friendly hello (chirped, not grunted) and knew *exactly* which cheese and veggies he wanted on his sandwich. Then she says “so…where’s your other half?”
***record screeching*** WHAT?????
He looks at me kind of weird and then he goes…”he’s at school, but here is my other other half” and points to me.
***resume pleasant chillax music*** OHHHHH she meant James.
But guess who was sweet as honey to yours truly after finding out that I belong to Dear Scotty? Grunty Sandwich Lady, that’s who!
Do you know what Scott got me? He got me a cleaning lady for every other week! OMG this is like a dream come true. I honestly cannot express what this means to me. I am constantly stressing about the state of my house. I pick it up every single day. Lots and lots of picking up, I mean LOTS. I do at least one load of laundry every day. I know that tons of people pick up and clean their houses all the time but I was so overwhelmed at the amount to do. So anyway, picking up – it gets old but I can deal with it. It was the actual cleaning that did me in. I’d try to make lists and assessments but as soon as I realized how filthy everything was I’d kind of give up and curl up in a ball and zone out and NOTHING ever got CLEAN.
Now – my house is sparkling. Just sparkling! And, I’ve kept up with it every day. I still do the picking up and laundry – but it is so much easier to KEEP something clean. And, I also know that in 2 weeks, she will be back and if I get behind, it will BE OKAY! She’s coming back!
And this lady was at my house from 930 in the morning until 330, with her helper. Then she stayed about 2 hours after her helper left, still going! I cannot believe the things she thought to clean that I never would have. Anyway, after all that, she only charged 125 for that really deep cleaning. I couldn’t believe it. Anyway, this is the best gift Scott could give me. Really. I feel so much less stressed out. Isn’t that ridiculous? I can’t help it.
I am back into crocheting! I really like doing it, and I wish I was better at it. I guess the only way to be better is to keep doing it. I just finished a camo Christmas stocking for Scott and I’m working on Looney’s. After that, Andrew will be the only one who needs a crochet stocking to fit in! See, my dad’s dad, Granddaddy, crocheted everyone in the family a stocking. Even my two kids each have one, even though they were born after Granddaddy died. When I was born, Granddaddy gave me a quick stocking and then took his time making one with my name crocheted into it, so I ended up with two. I gave one of mine to Clara. And my brother James had a beautiful stocking that my mother let me have to give to my James. It’s definitely the most special one in the entire family. My James is so lucky. Anyway, I wanted everyone to have one, so I’m doing it. The ones I am making are plain, and have no names on them. I am just not there yet. It’s still nice of me, right?
Scott and I went to Subway a few days ago (by the by, James loves Subway but he doesn’t call it Subway. To him, the restaurant is called Eat Fresh) and I was in front of him in line. The Sandwich Lady grunted at me about which kind of cheese and veggies I wanted (none and lettuce/tomato/onion/banana peppers/may I please have some more banana peppers/more, like twice that much), like seriously grunted, I wasn’t even sure at first she was addressing me.
Then it was SCOTTY’S turn and she was sunshine and rainbows as she greeted him with a smile and a friendly hello (chirped, not grunted) and knew *exactly* which cheese and veggies he wanted on his sandwich. Then she says “so…where’s your other half?”
***record screeching*** WHAT?????
He looks at me kind of weird and then he goes…”he’s at school, but here is my other other half” and points to me.
***resume pleasant chillax music*** OHHHHH she meant James.
But guess who was sweet as honey to yours truly after finding out that I belong to Dear Scotty? Grunty Sandwich Lady, that’s who!
Do you know what Scott got me? He got me a cleaning lady for every other week! OMG this is like a dream come true. I honestly cannot express what this means to me. I am constantly stressing about the state of my house. I pick it up every single day. Lots and lots of picking up, I mean LOTS. I do at least one load of laundry every day. I know that tons of people pick up and clean their houses all the time but I was so overwhelmed at the amount to do. So anyway, picking up – it gets old but I can deal with it. It was the actual cleaning that did me in. I’d try to make lists and assessments but as soon as I realized how filthy everything was I’d kind of give up and curl up in a ball and zone out and NOTHING ever got CLEAN.
Now – my house is sparkling. Just sparkling! And, I’ve kept up with it every day. I still do the picking up and laundry – but it is so much easier to KEEP something clean. And, I also know that in 2 weeks, she will be back and if I get behind, it will BE OKAY! She’s coming back!
And this lady was at my house from 930 in the morning until 330, with her helper. Then she stayed about 2 hours after her helper left, still going! I cannot believe the things she thought to clean that I never would have. Anyway, after all that, she only charged 125 for that really deep cleaning. I couldn’t believe it. Anyway, this is the best gift Scott could give me. Really. I feel so much less stressed out. Isn’t that ridiculous? I can’t help it.
I am back into crocheting! I really like doing it, and I wish I was better at it. I guess the only way to be better is to keep doing it. I just finished a camo Christmas stocking for Scott and I’m working on Looney’s. After that, Andrew will be the only one who needs a crochet stocking to fit in! See, my dad’s dad, Granddaddy, crocheted everyone in the family a stocking. Even my two kids each have one, even though they were born after Granddaddy died. When I was born, Granddaddy gave me a quick stocking and then took his time making one with my name crocheted into it, so I ended up with two. I gave one of mine to Clara. And my brother James had a beautiful stocking that my mother let me have to give to my James. It’s definitely the most special one in the entire family. My James is so lucky. Anyway, I wanted everyone to have one, so I’m doing it. The ones I am making are plain, and have no names on them. I am just not there yet. It’s still nice of me, right?
Thursday, November 13, 2008
What can make me feel this way?
My girl.
I'm so proud of her. At the beginning of the school year, you may remember, she shocked us both with her reading level test, which showed her to be in the bottom 20 percent or something like that.
Her language arts teacher sends home a TAKS practice every Tuesday. Man, I hate those things. I check them every week and to do so *I* have to read the whole dang thing too. Anyway, at the beginning of the year, she missed almost every question, every time. She has improved little by little each week, and she got every single question right this week. She's so proud of herself, almost as proud as I am of her.
Also, she just took a reading benchmark, and she scored a 91.
Now, THERE'S my girl.
I'm so proud of her. At the beginning of the school year, you may remember, she shocked us both with her reading level test, which showed her to be in the bottom 20 percent or something like that.
Her language arts teacher sends home a TAKS practice every Tuesday. Man, I hate those things. I check them every week and to do so *I* have to read the whole dang thing too. Anyway, at the beginning of the year, she missed almost every question, every time. She has improved little by little each week, and she got every single question right this week. She's so proud of herself, almost as proud as I am of her.
Also, she just took a reading benchmark, and she scored a 91.
Now, THERE'S my girl.
Monday, November 10, 2008
I have a little assignment for my 3 blog readers. First, take a gander at this copy & paste of my Instant Message log with my sister, Stacie. (pardon the errors, we tend to not give a crap when we’re on IM)
me: do you have a piece of fruit or smoething
stacie: a piece of fruit?
me: i'm so hungs i feel barfy. no biggie.
stacie: hmmmmm, i have some apples. you want a apple? or some goldfish or crackers or something
me: mm-hmm i do want a apple. that'll work. just a lil somthin somthin
stacie: i dont know what kind they are. ok ill bring it
me: as long as they aint granny smifs.
stacie: see ya in a little bit. nope they red
me: grainy smilfs. bye! say it.
stacie: and nuun will hopefully wear hims thomas outfit
me: grainy smilfs you MAKE him you are the mom.
stacie: grainy smilfs alpull. k done. LOVE YOU BUY. hahah i didnt really mean to say buy
me: buy
So……..then Stacie showed up at my work a half hour or so later. She brought me an apple and a little baggie of goldfish, all inside a brown paper lunchsack, stapled closed, and my name written on the outside, complete with dots at the intersections of each letter. Can you believe this? How sweet is she? I don’t remember the last time someone wrote my name on a lunchsack with the dots!!!! Here’s a picture that proves that angels DO exist!
me: do you have a piece of fruit or smoething
stacie: a piece of fruit?
me: i'm so hungs i feel barfy. no biggie.
stacie: hmmmmm, i have some apples. you want a apple? or some goldfish or crackers or something
me: mm-hmm i do want a apple. that'll work. just a lil somthin somthin
stacie: i dont know what kind they are. ok ill bring it
me: as long as they aint granny smifs.
stacie: see ya in a little bit. nope they red
me: grainy smilfs. bye! say it.
stacie: and nuun will hopefully wear hims thomas outfit
me: grainy smilfs you MAKE him you are the mom.
stacie: grainy smilfs alpull. k done. LOVE YOU BUY. hahah i didnt really mean to say buy
me: buy
So……..then Stacie showed up at my work a half hour or so later. She brought me an apple and a little baggie of goldfish, all inside a brown paper lunchsack, stapled closed, and my name written on the outside, complete with dots at the intersections of each letter. Can you believe this? How sweet is she? I don’t remember the last time someone wrote my name on a lunchsack with the dots!!!! Here’s a picture that proves that angels DO exist!
BWOOP! BWOOP! WARNING! WARNING!
***WARNING – THIS POST CONTAINS THE WORD “PENIS” AND “SCROTUM”***
I tell you – James is wise beyond his years. We were hanging out last night, and James was naked. He likes it that way. He goes, “Look, Mom!”
I look over and he’s pulling his penis straight up so that he can see his scrotum. “Uhhhhhh yeah, that’s something, James. Let’s get some underwear, mmmkay?”
“But…LOOK! If you lift up your penis, you can see the brain! Some penises have BRAINS!”
Sho ‘nuff – when you pull up your penis, your scrotum sort of looks like a brain – at least like a cartoon brain – the only kind that James has ever seen. But…a very, very wise statement from a three-year-old. Some penises have BRAINS. Some boys – that’s the only brain they have.
So – yannow how our dryer went out, and we bought a new one, and life is great. Well, last night our freakin’ microwave went out. If it isn’t one thing…Sigh. Being a grownup is not near as fun as I thought it was going to be. I thought being a grownup would mean…staying up as late as I want, eating all the candy I want, throwing parties, going to parties, crashing parties, I thought that being married would be like a 24/7 first date, that every night with my husband would be a slumber party, that having kids would be a blast – after all kids are nothing but fun fun fun!!!
OMG. NOBODY TOLD ME. WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL ME?
I tell you – James is wise beyond his years. We were hanging out last night, and James was naked. He likes it that way. He goes, “Look, Mom!”
I look over and he’s pulling his penis straight up so that he can see his scrotum. “Uhhhhhh yeah, that’s something, James. Let’s get some underwear, mmmkay?”
“But…LOOK! If you lift up your penis, you can see the brain! Some penises have BRAINS!”
Sho ‘nuff – when you pull up your penis, your scrotum sort of looks like a brain – at least like a cartoon brain – the only kind that James has ever seen. But…a very, very wise statement from a three-year-old. Some penises have BRAINS. Some boys – that’s the only brain they have.
So – yannow how our dryer went out, and we bought a new one, and life is great. Well, last night our freakin’ microwave went out. If it isn’t one thing…Sigh. Being a grownup is not near as fun as I thought it was going to be. I thought being a grownup would mean…staying up as late as I want, eating all the candy I want, throwing parties, going to parties, crashing parties, I thought that being married would be like a 24/7 first date, that every night with my husband would be a slumber party, that having kids would be a blast – after all kids are nothing but fun fun fun!!!
OMG. NOBODY TOLD ME. WHY DIDN’T THEY TELL ME?
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