I am DOOMED.

So, I am counting my calories (today).

Scott made me some eggs this morning and I called to find out how many and if any were just whites, or whatever.

Me: How many eggs did you make me this morning?

Him: Like, well, two..or it was probably closer to three.

Me: Three? Really, okay.

Him: And a yolk.

Me: Okay bye.

I sat there for a sec and thought to my self…why on earth would someone ADD an extra yolk? You’re supposed to take away the yolks!

So I call him back.

Me: A yolk? You put an extra yolk in there?

Him: Yes, a yolk.

Me: Not a white?

Him: No, a yo – yes it was a white.

Me: Okay, so three eggs plus a white?

Him: No. Two whites and one yolk.

Me: Okay so one egg plus one white. That’s pretty different than your original answer of three eggs plus a yolk.

Him: I HAVE TO GO!

So…he feels bad for snapping at me, he was on the other line and I kept bugging him about eggs. So he emails me.

Him: i made a total of 5 eggs. With one egg yolk. Sorry I was short, I hope you don’t hate me!

Me: i dont hate you but you are still confusing me. so five eggs plus one extra yolk???? or four egg whites plus one whole egg? please dont get frustrated with me...youve not told me the same thing twice yet, and i'm counting my calories.

Him: a total of 5 eggs including 1 egg yolk. Or 5egg whites and 1 egg yolk Or 4 egg whites + one egg white and one egg yolk. does that help at all. :) or is it still confusing

Me: if you say a "total of five eggs" then that sounds like five EGGS, meaning entire eggs! What you did was make one egg and four whites. And then…Clara and I split that, right?

Him: Right.

OMG!!!!!! NO WONDER I AM SO OVERWEIGHT!!!!!! See what happens when I try to be good and count my calories!?