T and P (Thoughts and Prayers)

I have a lot to do today. One thing on my list is to buy a latch for Clara’s French doors. Why? I’ll tell you! The dog is able to shove herself into them with enough force that her fat butt can burst them open. Then she enters Clara’s room and helps herself to anything that might be within her reach. We’ve seen pencils, tissues, stickers, candy, gum, etc. all chewed up because Beck “felt like it.” That’s what she says anyway. Who knows with her? I’ve been talking a lot about finding a solution to keep Clara’s doors shut when Beck barrels into them, but yesterday I had had enough. That dog got into Clara’s room and found a duct-tape-wallet (??????????????????) with a $50 bill, a $20 and five $1 dollar bills. And she tore up the wallet and ripped up all the money! $75 of Clara’s hard earned money that she mostly has because I birthed her and somehow manage to get her to her birthdays year after year. Still, I wasn’t going to make Clara pay for what my dumb dog did, so I was going to pay her back. Fortch, all the pieces were still intact, so I was able to tape all the money back together. But it was definitely enough to light a fire under me and get the ball rolling on fixing her door (do you think I could have squeezed in one more cliché?).

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You should have heard me trying to explain the concept of “infinity” to James yesterday. Here’s how our conversation went:

Setting: in the car waiting for Clara to get out of school

James: Mom? I thought I could count to the highest number, but I can’t. 100 is NOT the highest number.

Me: Nope, it sure isn’t!

James: Well, what IS the highest number?

Me: Welllllll, there is no highest number. You can just keep counting and counting forever. That’s what infinity is.

James: So…the highest number is infinity? OK, I’m going to count to it. 1, 2, 3…

Me: No, you CAN’T count to infinity, it never ends. See, like infinity…and then infinity plus one! Infinity is not a number.

James: Well then is it a letter?

Me: NO! It’s a concept.

James: What’s a concept?

Me: I don’t know. Just count.

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I hope my daughter doesn’t kill me for this, but I have to write about a card she made for her friend. No, scratch that. Let’s keep this anonymous. Let’s just say that someone I know made a birthday card for his or her friend. This person asked me to read the card and give my opinion on whether said person’s friend would like the card or not. Now, I don’t have this memorized verbatim, but it’s going to be very darn close.

Dear Friend,

Happy birthday! We’ve been friends since first grade, and these have been the best years of my life. I know we fight sometimes, but we’re so close, nothing will ever tear us apart. Happy birthday.

Love,
Anon

How flippin’ cute, sweet, and hilarious is that? The “best years of my life”???? “Never tear us apart”??? Priceless!

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I don’t want to alarm anyone but there is something that must be really making the rounds. It’s called, according to James, the Walk Flu. It’s apparently very dangerous, as it renders its victims incapable of walking. People who suffer from Walk Flu are unable to clean their rooms, take their dirty cups to the kitchen sink, or walk at all. They must be carted around by their parents. Caretakers of patients with Walk Flu must be patient. If they find themselves losing patience and trying to force the unwell person to stand, they will find that the Walk Flu causes its sufferers to slump to the floor and become helpless lumps of nothingness. I sure hope for my sake and James’s, that he recovers quickly from Walk Flu. He became overcome with the symptoms yesterday afternoon, and according to his dad, he is still afflicted as of this morning. Please keep us in your thoughts as we battle this terrifying disease.