WASTED DRUNK SOBER TIPSY

Because of our crazy schedules, our family rarely eats dinner together. Usually, James eats in front of the living room tv, Clara eats in front of the tv in her room, and I pick at James's I try to get him to eat. I know - so dysfunctional, but it works for us. Then, Scott gets home around 9pm (most nights) and we eat dinner together. So...not only do I pick at James's, I eat my meal at 9pm. But that is another story.

I decided that since Scott gets home at a little after 7pm on Wednesdays, we should sit and have dinner together. I had made chili mac in the crockpot, and I set the DINING ROOM (not kitchen!) table with napkins (paper), plates with bowls on them (fancy!) and covered the lazy susan (is that capitalized??) with such goodies as sour cream, freshly grated cheese, sea salt, bread (white and wheat) and butter. Only thing missing were the beverages. I hated to put cold beverages on the gorgeous dark wood table, so I went on a hunt for coasters.

The only coasters I could find were the novelty coasters that someone had given to me (I'm so sorry that I've forgotten who!) along with some shot glasses. Well, they would just have to do.

So, when Scott got home that night, I had country music playing, NO TV, and our family was sitting waiting at the table for him. And most importantly, we all had coasters.

Each coaster has a different term and its definition. Mine said "WASTED: Adg. Invincible but incapable. Suffering from extreme loss of balance, co-ordination and sex appeal. Liable to sleep anywhere. Babbling incoherently with loss of most bodily functions." Perfect!

Scott's said: "DRUNK: Adj. Suffering from vision, hearing and speech impairment, witn an insatiable appetite for pizza. Will do anything that moves. Possessing an illogical belief that he/she is gorgeous despite dribbling and slobbering." Beautiful!

James's said "SOBER: Adj. Possessed of iron will but often lacking a sense of humor. Helpful with doing dishes, finding cds, and lifts home. Probably in need of several stiff drinks!" How appropriate!

And finally, Clara's said "TIPSY: Adj. The usual signs are a flushed face, stupid grin, loud voice and a profound love for mankind. The sufferer is incredibly deep, intelligent, and insightful but prone to giggle." That's my girl!

Apparently, no matter how classy and grown-up I always try to be, there's always something I miss. I'm just glad that James can't read and that Clara is a mostly self-absorbed pre-teen who doesn't notice anything if it doesn't have to do with her.

Can I just say that I am SUPERSAD that I haven't blogged since September? Yes? Well, I am SUPERSAD that I haven't blogged since September.