Uncle Ray

This post won’t be the normal, lighthearted, silly post that I typically do. This one’s about family, about life, and death.

My Uncle Ray died last night. He’d suffered from pancreatic cancer for a while, and along with that, the effects of his illness as well as the effects of his chemo and other treatments. Of course, he’s in a better place and we’re glad for that. But it doesn’t really take away the emptiness we are feeling.

Uncle Ray always reminded me so much of my dad. They were just slightly altered versions of each other in my eyes. My dad was coat and tie Uncle Ray was blue jeans and boots. My dad was thick southern accent and Uncle Ray was thicker southern accent. But they were both funny with the same sense of humor, and sweeter than you'd imagine either of them to be. We’ve spent so many Thanksgivings together that when we didn’t, I missed Ray and his family more than I expected to. I have so many mundane, yet very specific, memories of time spent with Ray and his family. I remember Ray talking about castrating a bull at the dinner table once. I thought it was hysterical. I remember the sounds and smells of my mom and Aunt Nancy in the kitchen making Thanksgiving dinner…chopping, slicing, wrapping, baking, stirring, while my cousin Julie and I dressed in sheets and other costumes and pretended to be pilgrims with our pilgrim baby dolls. I remember Uncle Ray handing me a kitten at his house, one that his cat birthed, and I held the kitten like a baby and stroked his chin till he fell asleep. I remember his house in Garland, and their Irish Setter, Lady. Actually, it was so long ago, I might have just assumed ALL dogs were Irish Setters, since we had one. I remember their "Don't pee in our pool, we don't swim in your toilet" sign was the first I'd seen of it's kind and I thought it was brilliant!

While I am torn up about the loss of my uncle, what I cannot get over right now, is the sadness and the tears that come to my eyes when I think about my Aunt Nancy and my cousins Julie and Sherri. I am so glad they were able to be with their husband and dad when he died. And of course, I know they’re going to be okay but I wish to God they didn’t have to go through this.

The loss of Uncle Ray is one of the very few that I have experienced as an adult. His death has been painful to so many of us, and yet, it has also made me so grateful. I am so thankful that my dad had a brother he was close to and that he loved so much, and that my mother, sisters and I loved. Family is so important to me. I can’t even begin to express my gratitude about how close my sisters and I are. Knowing how my dad was able to joke around with Uncle Ray while he was not even conscious and raise his pulse made me think of my sisters. We do argue, but hardly ever. And once we’re over it, we’re over it.

So, Aunt Nancy, Julie, Sherri – I am so sorry for what you’re having to do. I am glad Ray had so many people who loved him. I wish you didn’t have to hurt. Dad, I am sorry you lost your brother. I love you so much.

I am so grateful for my family right now. Times like these make you re-think your priorities. I love you, Uncle Ray. I will miss you forever… especially on Thanksgivings.